Monday, November 28, 2005
Mom Daniels
Today at 2:00, in Evanston, Illinois, I think (I must check with Paul to be sure), Lucinda Sherwood Daniels will be laid to rest after 99 wonderful years on this earth. I promised Paul I would stop at 3:00 NYC time and chant something from the Metta Sutra, or Nam Myho Renge Kyo for her ...and I will do that.
Of course, not all of her 99 years felt all that wonderful to her, I'm sure, especially as life presented her with its full array of fortunes and misfortunes, births,deaths , plenties and scarcities....givings and takings, she had them all.
When Paul was about 17, his older brother John died in a terrible and contentious car accident, meaning that Mom Daniels lost her eldest child ...besides the fact that no parent should have to outlive a child, the ordeal was made worse by the greed and grasping of the survivors of the accident who blamed it all on the one person who did not survive it, and so the Daniels family life was made grey and miserable long after the actual death of the beloved son...Mom Daniels not only survived all that horror, but went on to raise her two other children with love and care...whereas God gave her many blessings in her life, she was also given a trial of major proportion and she bore up under it with grace and gentleness. She survived it! Which is saying a lot.
She had the love of her husband by her side most of her life, and though George Daniels was a hard and demanding man, he also clearly filled her life with romance and love, and gave her 3 gorgeous children, a beautiful home and all the time she could ever want to pursue her special artistic gifts: needlepoint and housecrafts of all kinds. She was a miraculous needlewoman, crafting things with such care and love that they were genuine gifts from her heart. She had gifted fingers, and they produced piece after piece of extraordinary beauty: finely stitched, gorgeously designed and meticulously created. Some of my favorite objects are things she made for me, and only for me.
The best gift of all of course was her son:Paul as my first husband has proven to be a friend for the rest of my life,and a finer example of a woman's child is found no where. Lucinda Sherwood Daniels is well and strongly alive in the son of hers I married many years ago,and am still friends with today.
But another gift she gave me is my love for needlework.
When Paul and I became engaged,over 30 years ago, she made , from scratch, my first needlepoint kit: canvas with her own floral design, complete set of yarns that she herself picked out and organized, and a key to how to use them, written in her own fine hand....I still have that canvas, complete, today and must make it into a pillow in her honor. She instilled in me a love for the colors, craft and satisfaction of needlepoint, and since then, since that first kit, I have completed over 3 dozen pollows, if not more.No doubt more.
She changed my life in several ways, and that was one of them.
Thanks,Mom.
And she shared with me, by the way she lived, her love of order, patience, solicitude for others, gentility, gentleness, soft-speaking, sweet smiles, as well as an appreciation for the loveliness of her pure white hair...I never knew her otherwise...her soft crown of silver sweet white hair was healthy, always worn in a genteel small bun at the back, with waves of soft white hair framing her face...a perfect style for a gentle woman. Little glasses on her nose, as she sewed...perched there perfectly, like some one's idea of what a sweet little old lady should look like...but a sharp and discerning mind sitting in observation of all around her. She was a sharp cookie, that Mom Daniels, and whereas i know it bewildered her when Paul had to go and pursue his own identity away from our marriage,she never was anything but lovingly generous with me for all the years after we divorced. Yet, after Dad Daniels died, she was the parent who finally got to know the true loving man her son really was, when he finally brought his Steven home to meet her. Now there was a match made in some sort of right-minded Heaven: Steven and Mom D. Gentle souls all around! Once, when recently referring to me, she looked at Paul quizzically and asked: "Evalyn? Weren't you two married once?"....that makes me smile.
Dear Mom Daniels...we will all miss you. But, then again, you do live on. Every time i make a stitch or snip a thread neatly, I will think of you, and that's a promise from my heart. Every time I sit and have coffee with Paul I will thank you silently for the man you gave me as a lifelong friend. Everytime I see white hair,and as my own grows silver (if i ever let it, that is!),i will take pride in it and attempt to carry it with the grace and charm of LUCINDA SHERWOOD DANIELS.
Of course, not all of her 99 years felt all that wonderful to her, I'm sure, especially as life presented her with its full array of fortunes and misfortunes, births,deaths , plenties and scarcities....givings and takings, she had them all.
When Paul was about 17, his older brother John died in a terrible and contentious car accident, meaning that Mom Daniels lost her eldest child ...besides the fact that no parent should have to outlive a child, the ordeal was made worse by the greed and grasping of the survivors of the accident who blamed it all on the one person who did not survive it, and so the Daniels family life was made grey and miserable long after the actual death of the beloved son...Mom Daniels not only survived all that horror, but went on to raise her two other children with love and care...whereas God gave her many blessings in her life, she was also given a trial of major proportion and she bore up under it with grace and gentleness. She survived it! Which is saying a lot.
She had the love of her husband by her side most of her life, and though George Daniels was a hard and demanding man, he also clearly filled her life with romance and love, and gave her 3 gorgeous children, a beautiful home and all the time she could ever want to pursue her special artistic gifts: needlepoint and housecrafts of all kinds. She was a miraculous needlewoman, crafting things with such care and love that they were genuine gifts from her heart. She had gifted fingers, and they produced piece after piece of extraordinary beauty: finely stitched, gorgeously designed and meticulously created. Some of my favorite objects are things she made for me, and only for me.
The best gift of all of course was her son:Paul as my first husband has proven to be a friend for the rest of my life,and a finer example of a woman's child is found no where. Lucinda Sherwood Daniels is well and strongly alive in the son of hers I married many years ago,and am still friends with today.
But another gift she gave me is my love for needlework.
When Paul and I became engaged,over 30 years ago, she made , from scratch, my first needlepoint kit: canvas with her own floral design, complete set of yarns that she herself picked out and organized, and a key to how to use them, written in her own fine hand....I still have that canvas, complete, today and must make it into a pillow in her honor. She instilled in me a love for the colors, craft and satisfaction of needlepoint, and since then, since that first kit, I have completed over 3 dozen pollows, if not more.No doubt more.
She changed my life in several ways, and that was one of them.
Thanks,Mom.
And she shared with me, by the way she lived, her love of order, patience, solicitude for others, gentility, gentleness, soft-speaking, sweet smiles, as well as an appreciation for the loveliness of her pure white hair...I never knew her otherwise...her soft crown of silver sweet white hair was healthy, always worn in a genteel small bun at the back, with waves of soft white hair framing her face...a perfect style for a gentle woman. Little glasses on her nose, as she sewed...perched there perfectly, like some one's idea of what a sweet little old lady should look like...but a sharp and discerning mind sitting in observation of all around her. She was a sharp cookie, that Mom Daniels, and whereas i know it bewildered her when Paul had to go and pursue his own identity away from our marriage,she never was anything but lovingly generous with me for all the years after we divorced. Yet, after Dad Daniels died, she was the parent who finally got to know the true loving man her son really was, when he finally brought his Steven home to meet her. Now there was a match made in some sort of right-minded Heaven: Steven and Mom D. Gentle souls all around! Once, when recently referring to me, she looked at Paul quizzically and asked: "Evalyn? Weren't you two married once?"....that makes me smile.
Dear Mom Daniels...we will all miss you. But, then again, you do live on. Every time i make a stitch or snip a thread neatly, I will think of you, and that's a promise from my heart. Every time I sit and have coffee with Paul I will thank you silently for the man you gave me as a lifelong friend. Everytime I see white hair,and as my own grows silver (if i ever let it, that is!),i will take pride in it and attempt to carry it with the grace and charm of LUCINDA SHERWOOD DANIELS.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Home from the Holiday..
...having lost from my life two lovely women: Mom Daniels and Alice White...ah well: life and all we see in it are transitory...this is both the beauty and the horror of the life we live on this level of existence. This right seeing of how things truly are can be a source of comfort...today, home in NYC back from beautiful snowy Michgan, comfortable in my home with my dear husband who is a source of true love for me, I feel comforted. The City roils around us and we relax in our home.
We accomplished the 10-hour drive home yesterday with a minimum of bother and fuss,running into virtually no traffic all the way...until, of course , we reached the ever-popular GW Bridge into this city of legend, and then we sat in traffic for a while, but we hardly noticed it ,we were so happy to be at the end of this particular journey...having had a loving and nurturing time with Pat and Charles Y., Peter and I and our pups Cyrano and Sally were well-fed, content and relaxed....so the long wait to pay the toll to get back home hardly phased us. And soon, indeed, we were parked in front of our building, unpacking the car, picking up our week of mail from the smiling doorman Carlos, who always seems glad to see us.
I returned the car to Hertz, picked up a few groceries, came home and we snuggled into an early sleep.
With this entire Sunday to get ready for the Holiday In New York weeks ahead. What will they bring? Peter's parents will join us on December 22nd, less than a month away,and in that time I must make sure our destroyed Guest Room is habitable again!
It should be dry enough by now to at least scrape ,seal and paint...and if we can organize it prettily, Pat and Charles will have a nice place to sleep when they visit.
I am hold for that SOPRANOS later this month, whether I book it or not..to have made a good impression on that important casting office is nice..voice-overs are picking up.....possibilities are cropping up everywhere. And I look forward to some interesting offers from Barter over the next while that may make it possible for me to go back "home" for a while in the summer. In any event, there is much to do in the world,the more I study Buddhism, the more I realize that most of the things needing doing have little or nothing to do with my previous ambitions. Help, kindness, nurturing, healing, generosity and creativity are needed everywhere.,,...Pat Y. is an inspiration to me on that score...her peace work on behalf of Montessori is remarkable.
And the love that is continually developing between Peter and me is a miracle of daily proportions to me...
I think that the week's break we just had has enabled me to appreciate things I have been too busy to see. So much to be grateful for.
I am sending particular waves of thought to dear Rick R. as he goes to the mat down South on behalf of needed changes in that town we all love. The reactionary forces of fear and mistrust constantly battle progress. Why this is historically true remains one of the baffling human tendencies. But, the Wheel of Samsara eternally turns, and it has to have something to provide its traction, right? In my less loving moments, i wish that Wheel would crush all who define its very existence...but, taking all judgement out of the equation, I gotta appreciate Rick R's courage even more. I just sit and fume with rage. He does something!
And he does a lot!! Alice's demise provided Rick and me with a chance to talk and talk this past weekend while I was in Michigan. We caught up on a lot. And I literally relaxed, hearing his voice. His is a compassionate and deeply creative masculine energy that challenges and comforts me. I miss it in my life.
Tomorrow, we go to another Epic Theater reading down at the Players Club. I look forward to it. And Abrams Agency want to talk to me about representing me as a theater director. That could be interesting.
For now,HOME SWEET HOME.
We accomplished the 10-hour drive home yesterday with a minimum of bother and fuss,running into virtually no traffic all the way...until, of course , we reached the ever-popular GW Bridge into this city of legend, and then we sat in traffic for a while, but we hardly noticed it ,we were so happy to be at the end of this particular journey...having had a loving and nurturing time with Pat and Charles Y., Peter and I and our pups Cyrano and Sally were well-fed, content and relaxed....so the long wait to pay the toll to get back home hardly phased us. And soon, indeed, we were parked in front of our building, unpacking the car, picking up our week of mail from the smiling doorman Carlos, who always seems glad to see us.
I returned the car to Hertz, picked up a few groceries, came home and we snuggled into an early sleep.
With this entire Sunday to get ready for the Holiday In New York weeks ahead. What will they bring? Peter's parents will join us on December 22nd, less than a month away,and in that time I must make sure our destroyed Guest Room is habitable again!
It should be dry enough by now to at least scrape ,seal and paint...and if we can organize it prettily, Pat and Charles will have a nice place to sleep when they visit.
I am hold for that SOPRANOS later this month, whether I book it or not..to have made a good impression on that important casting office is nice..voice-overs are picking up.....possibilities are cropping up everywhere. And I look forward to some interesting offers from Barter over the next while that may make it possible for me to go back "home" for a while in the summer. In any event, there is much to do in the world,the more I study Buddhism, the more I realize that most of the things needing doing have little or nothing to do with my previous ambitions. Help, kindness, nurturing, healing, generosity and creativity are needed everywhere.,,...Pat Y. is an inspiration to me on that score...her peace work on behalf of Montessori is remarkable.
And the love that is continually developing between Peter and me is a miracle of daily proportions to me...
I think that the week's break we just had has enabled me to appreciate things I have been too busy to see. So much to be grateful for.
I am sending particular waves of thought to dear Rick R. as he goes to the mat down South on behalf of needed changes in that town we all love. The reactionary forces of fear and mistrust constantly battle progress. Why this is historically true remains one of the baffling human tendencies. But, the Wheel of Samsara eternally turns, and it has to have something to provide its traction, right? In my less loving moments, i wish that Wheel would crush all who define its very existence...but, taking all judgement out of the equation, I gotta appreciate Rick R's courage even more. I just sit and fume with rage. He does something!
And he does a lot!! Alice's demise provided Rick and me with a chance to talk and talk this past weekend while I was in Michigan. We caught up on a lot. And I literally relaxed, hearing his voice. His is a compassionate and deeply creative masculine energy that challenges and comforts me. I miss it in my life.
Tomorrow, we go to another Epic Theater reading down at the Players Club. I look forward to it. And Abrams Agency want to talk to me about representing me as a theater director. That could be interesting.
For now,HOME SWEET HOME.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Oh, no....
...this cannot be right...surely this is some sort of awful joke...Thom H . just wrote, as he has been doing to keep us all updated on Alice White's progress in the hospital, and today's news was simply that Alice had died...Yesterday morning, on Thanksgiving...Alice died. Dammit! Alice! Don't do that! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I am so angry! And so sad. Alice died. How could this be? Alice...dear, tall, strong, funny, gifted, empathic, dramatic, brilliant dear Alice...she's gone from this particular Earth, and is probably sitting up on some fluffy cloud somewhere looking down on all of us saying: HAH! I'm free at last! I'll be waiting for you all, so git on up here!!!" All the theatrical directors in Heaven are gleeful because now they have Alice to cast, and all the deceased character women are perhaps less gleeful because the competition just got much stiffer...although in Heaven, I sincerely hope there are enough shows to go around for everyone who wants to rehearse one...Broadway with a capital B-R-O-A-D-W-A-Y!!!! ALice...long, slender Alice...I can just hear her now , floating up there above us all, ("High-flying Adored" comes to mind)....she is full of that special Alice astonishment at how perfect it all is...she is loving where she is, as she usually always did love whatever came her way! Joie de vivre!
Darling Alice...I love you.
Darling Alice...I love you.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Michigan continues....
...and here we are at Tuesday night before Thanksgiving 2005.
The most important news to report: my dear first mother-in-law, my dearest Paul's Momma, Lucinda Sherwood Daniels, died last night at sround 8:55 PM, according to Steve C. She was a magnificent 99 years of age, and finally had simply had enough of this life, I suppose, and gave up the fight, which had gotten more arduous as the weeks rolled by, though she was not particularly ill. I believe she was simply ready to go, and saw no particular reason to lug her aging body around any longer, so gracefully, in her sleep, she let go of life, and she is now with her dear husband George,and of course I envision her sharing a cup of heavenly tea with my Momma, who is, as usual, enjoying her company. Paul is very sad of course, very tenderly so, but he realizes, as do we all , that she was ready to go. And I think he is glad she got her wish...though he cries so so much for the sheer missing of her...he loved (s) her so much. Thank goodness the Hospice people had called him and Steve while they were in Nashville and told him they had better get to Chicago...they made it in ample time to say goodbyes and wait with her til she departed. I don't know how Paul would have stood it if he had missed her passing. All our hearts here, at this happy Thanksgiving Michigan house, go out to this dear man who has been so good to us all. Yes, my first husband...but my always friend. Paul. Bye for now Mom Daniels. Thank you for all you gave to my life.
She will be interred Monday next, since the Minister is away for Thanksgiving...sadly, since I must be home in NYC, I will miss her service...or will I? Maybe I will change my mind andgo there instead ofhome. My darling Peter actually suggested that. He would then drive the car and doggies home to NYC, as planned...well, we'll see.
Yesterday, after a delicious lunch, the four of us went to see the latest HARRY POTTER movie, GOBLET OF FIRE, and I think it is the best one yet...we all loved it.
Also, Mom Yonka and I stocked up on knitting supplies and other things crafty and we spent a cozy night working on things we bought. I am intrigued with the decorating of a scarf I have knitted with tiny sequins! I think it will look terrif, and worht all the effort I am putting into it..more later...xxev
The most important news to report: my dear first mother-in-law, my dearest Paul's Momma, Lucinda Sherwood Daniels, died last night at sround 8:55 PM, according to Steve C. She was a magnificent 99 years of age, and finally had simply had enough of this life, I suppose, and gave up the fight, which had gotten more arduous as the weeks rolled by, though she was not particularly ill. I believe she was simply ready to go, and saw no particular reason to lug her aging body around any longer, so gracefully, in her sleep, she let go of life, and she is now with her dear husband George,and of course I envision her sharing a cup of heavenly tea with my Momma, who is, as usual, enjoying her company. Paul is very sad of course, very tenderly so, but he realizes, as do we all , that she was ready to go. And I think he is glad she got her wish...though he cries so so much for the sheer missing of her...he loved (s) her so much. Thank goodness the Hospice people had called him and Steve while they were in Nashville and told him they had better get to Chicago...they made it in ample time to say goodbyes and wait with her til she departed. I don't know how Paul would have stood it if he had missed her passing. All our hearts here, at this happy Thanksgiving Michigan house, go out to this dear man who has been so good to us all. Yes, my first husband...but my always friend. Paul. Bye for now Mom Daniels. Thank you for all you gave to my life.
She will be interred Monday next, since the Minister is away for Thanksgiving...sadly, since I must be home in NYC, I will miss her service...or will I? Maybe I will change my mind andgo there instead ofhome. My darling Peter actually suggested that. He would then drive the car and doggies home to NYC, as planned...well, we'll see.
Yesterday, after a delicious lunch, the four of us went to see the latest HARRY POTTER movie, GOBLET OF FIRE, and I think it is the best one yet...we all loved it.
Also, Mom Yonka and I stocked up on knitting supplies and other things crafty and we spent a cozy night working on things we bought. I am intrigued with the decorating of a scarf I have knitted with tiny sequins! I think it will look terrif, and worht all the effort I am putting into it..more later...xxev
Monday, November 21, 2005
Michigan Magnifique!!!
So, Saturday morning (today is Monday) we picked up a spanking new Chrysler, with only 21 miles logged on it's odometer, purchased Serius Satellite Radio services for our whole week, and easily, painlessly sped our way to Willis, Michigan, right outside Ann Arbor, where Peter's parents have the most wonderful comfortable house!The house was aglow and alive withs meels of freshly cooked yummy soup and Peter's dad Charles was fixing a gorgrous cinnamon cake to have after dinner with our tea..the whole place was alive with welcome...after a meal of that warm terrifc soup, a cold beer and some hot tea, we were both so ready for bed and sleep, we simply fell donw into the quiet comfortable bed and slept!!! Wonderful day of travel, with nary a moment of boredom or dismay...as predicted, the dogs slept soundly the whole way and dutifully got out to pee whenever we stopped for gas or coffee...a perfect road trip.Ending sweetly.
Yesterday , Sunday, Pat and Charles spent the entire morning serving breakfast to their ladies at Emmanuel House, as they do regularly, and then went to church, while Peter adn I got up after a refreshing nights sleep and cleaned the kitchen from the night before, made fresh coffee, and oounged and talked and talked and talked. Then we talked some more. A quiet house all to ourselves, and we were so together. SO nice. In preparation for Carol J's coming to dinner,there was yet more cooking of the most wonderful stuff...a pork loin marinated in a sort of spiced "rub" that made the roast so moist and tender...more to write about...soon...xxev
Yesterday , Sunday, Pat and Charles spent the entire morning serving breakfast to their ladies at Emmanuel House, as they do regularly, and then went to church, while Peter adn I got up after a refreshing nights sleep and cleaned the kitchen from the night before, made fresh coffee, and oounged and talked and talked and talked. Then we talked some more. A quiet house all to ourselves, and we were so together. SO nice. In preparation for Carol J's coming to dinner,there was yet more cooking of the most wonderful stuff...a pork loin marinated in a sort of spiced "rub" that made the roast so moist and tender...more to write about...soon...xxev
Friday, November 18, 2005
Winter is a'coomin' in...
...and there is snow in Upstate New York, snow on the ground in Michigan.....guess I'd better find our snowboots! Thank goodness we're driving: we can throw all sorts of stuff into the car and worry less about actual packing!
Gorgeous here today though, cold and crisp and sunny as a golden apple...after a week of the most horrible odd humid weather, with that dangerous-feeling edge of chill around it....no one knew quite what to wear! Hot,then cold, then warm,then chilly...awful. I caught a nice fat cold and it has yet to really go away...most unpleasant.
I had a lovely radio booking yesterday morning for something that i actually felt good doing: onbehalf of the Philadelphia Committee for the Aging, a spot asking for contributions to their Emergency Fund that supplies needy elderly with heat over the Winter months..a well-writen spot, fully 60 seconds, and fun to do because it was so well-written...sort of dramatic, with room for actual interpretation. What they call a "phone patch" from Philly, with me inthe NYC studio down at 38 Green Street Studios, and the writers and producer in the Philly studio, and we communicated by phone through my earphones...I've done a fair number of these sorts of patches through the years, and the technology has gotten so good, it feels like we are actually all in the same studio...fun. And easy.
Then, because my next appointment was not until several hours later up at Bernie Telsey's office on 28th, I used the time to explore SoHo , which I have not done in a while, and it was so terrific...it has become so very trendy and chic, and the galleries of art are now as trendy as all the famous designer shops that now are there..the cutting edge of everything fun in clothing and art...I had coffee in this amazing (though temporary) Illy Coffee Gallery down on West Broadway, where coffee making is the featued art, and the space is modern ,white,huge,airy, showcasing all their latest espresso machines and coffee products...very chic and minimalist..and tucked back in one corner of this enormous space is a cozy, yet modern, library of books all about coffee: its history, life stories and numerous witty observations concerning what one book calls "the Devil's brew"...I sat, sipped and read...extremely relaxing. Art and coffee...the art of coffee...amazing and so very SoHo...then I found a sweet little hair shop and got a haircut by a sprite named Merissa, lovely and skinny with tattoos all over her slender arms, and her hair spiked high to the ceiling, black as a downtown midnight against her very pale skin...we had fun there too, and the cut is marvelous! Kenny, the shop owner, middle-aged like me, played Otis Redding at full blast, and i felt right at home!
Then on to Telsey's for an American Express audiion,where I saw Jeff McArthy, Barbara Walsh, Alison Frazer,and others, all old pals, and we chatted merrily...
Made dinner for my darling husband, and we both relaxed...he slept soundly on the sofe after dinner...these early morning subway rides downtown to his office have genuinely wearied him, and the week in Michigan will be a good time to talk about all that....they seem to really want peter to actually workt here full-time because, as usual, he is so good at what ever they give him to do....
Today i see Victoria W. again, as her audition for NYU is tomorrow and she and her delightful Mom came up from the South to coach with me today, just to make sure she's ready...she is definitely ready! A very talented girl, a hard worker, and a very nice person to boot!
Then i go to a quick audition for THE SOPRANOs (a tiny weeny part), then tonight we go see yet another wonderful student of mine in her school prodution of SOUND OF MUSIC, and she is the star! We shall take her a few posies, with love.
Then, TOMORROW MORNING, we drive to Michigan...when we will pack is still a bit of amystery, but we will do something about that tonight, I guess...darling Peter is so exhausted, i shall probably drive for the first half of the journey at least...let him sleep the pups snuggled on his lap...I'll sort of miss being with our "family" here for TDay, but it'll be great to be with Pat and Charles Y. too, as ever, and they will take very good care of usm as usual...I finished knitting a surprise for pat's birthday...far from perfect, but filled with love deep and true!
Gorgeous here today though, cold and crisp and sunny as a golden apple...after a week of the most horrible odd humid weather, with that dangerous-feeling edge of chill around it....no one knew quite what to wear! Hot,then cold, then warm,then chilly...awful. I caught a nice fat cold and it has yet to really go away...most unpleasant.
I had a lovely radio booking yesterday morning for something that i actually felt good doing: onbehalf of the Philadelphia Committee for the Aging, a spot asking for contributions to their Emergency Fund that supplies needy elderly with heat over the Winter months..a well-writen spot, fully 60 seconds, and fun to do because it was so well-written...sort of dramatic, with room for actual interpretation. What they call a "phone patch" from Philly, with me inthe NYC studio down at 38 Green Street Studios, and the writers and producer in the Philly studio, and we communicated by phone through my earphones...I've done a fair number of these sorts of patches through the years, and the technology has gotten so good, it feels like we are actually all in the same studio...fun. And easy.
Then, because my next appointment was not until several hours later up at Bernie Telsey's office on 28th, I used the time to explore SoHo , which I have not done in a while, and it was so terrific...it has become so very trendy and chic, and the galleries of art are now as trendy as all the famous designer shops that now are there..the cutting edge of everything fun in clothing and art...I had coffee in this amazing (though temporary) Illy Coffee Gallery down on West Broadway, where coffee making is the featued art, and the space is modern ,white,huge,airy, showcasing all their latest espresso machines and coffee products...very chic and minimalist..and tucked back in one corner of this enormous space is a cozy, yet modern, library of books all about coffee: its history, life stories and numerous witty observations concerning what one book calls "the Devil's brew"...I sat, sipped and read...extremely relaxing. Art and coffee...the art of coffee...amazing and so very SoHo...then I found a sweet little hair shop and got a haircut by a sprite named Merissa, lovely and skinny with tattoos all over her slender arms, and her hair spiked high to the ceiling, black as a downtown midnight against her very pale skin...we had fun there too, and the cut is marvelous! Kenny, the shop owner, middle-aged like me, played Otis Redding at full blast, and i felt right at home!
Then on to Telsey's for an American Express audiion,where I saw Jeff McArthy, Barbara Walsh, Alison Frazer,and others, all old pals, and we chatted merrily...
Made dinner for my darling husband, and we both relaxed...he slept soundly on the sofe after dinner...these early morning subway rides downtown to his office have genuinely wearied him, and the week in Michigan will be a good time to talk about all that....they seem to really want peter to actually workt here full-time because, as usual, he is so good at what ever they give him to do....
Today i see Victoria W. again, as her audition for NYU is tomorrow and she and her delightful Mom came up from the South to coach with me today, just to make sure she's ready...she is definitely ready! A very talented girl, a hard worker, and a very nice person to boot!
Then i go to a quick audition for THE SOPRANOs (a tiny weeny part), then tonight we go see yet another wonderful student of mine in her school prodution of SOUND OF MUSIC, and she is the star! We shall take her a few posies, with love.
Then, TOMORROW MORNING, we drive to Michigan...when we will pack is still a bit of amystery, but we will do something about that tonight, I guess...darling Peter is so exhausted, i shall probably drive for the first half of the journey at least...let him sleep the pups snuggled on his lap...I'll sort of miss being with our "family" here for TDay, but it'll be great to be with Pat and Charles Y. too, as ever, and they will take very good care of usm as usual...I finished knitting a surprise for pat's birthday...far from perfect, but filled with love deep and true!
Monday, November 14, 2005
Fearless..
...in a world full of fear...now that is an exercise...I spent the gorgeous cool Fall weekend Upstate, with a slight headcold that turned Steve and Paul into the world's most wonderful nurses! They took care of me like i was really sick! I must admit, I began to enjoy all the attention, and unaccustomed as I am to having colds or flu bugs (you can't hit a moving target ,they say), I was able to impesonate quite well a moderately ill little girl! Peter stayed in town to catch up on much-needed stuff around the apartment, since he is occupied morning to night down on Broad Street in the real work-a-day world during the week....so Steve and Paul had me all to themselves and boy did i enjoy that! Saturday night, Nancy T. came for yet another of Steve's delicious meals...he is an outstanding and caring cook...and his lentil soup and home-made cornbread (the best I have ever had!) were perfect for that cold night...Sunday morning, Paul and I sat in the sun-filled den and he read pages and pages of his Shambala studies to me: he is doing a course in tonglen, an ancient meditation discipline of breath and forgiveness....healing ,really...and so interesting to learn about...the more i learn about Tibetan Buddhism, the clearer i see where Nichiren fits into the historic and social picture of the development of this amazing way to negotiate the world as we know it. I am tremendously grateful to have this time in which to study and learn.
Today i meet Pearl B. for lunch. It will be nice to see her. Such a good lady.
And tonight, another Epic new play reading at the Players' Club.
"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost,to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience."...Eleanor Roosevelt said that! you know, that 20th Century American Buddhist! Peter gave me that quote once in a card accompanying an anniversary gift..he has a great eye for good cards...and it is a quote that I feel particularly defines where I am in my life right now:
Breaking down barriers that have silently been holding me hostage, barriers of my own creation...sitting still when I have usually been (habitually) running around in frantic circles looking for a way not to sit still...opening my eyes to what people are actually saying and doing, instead of how i wish they were saying or doing...not filling in the blanks in an effort to make it all okay, but rather letting people I care for fill in their own blanks,while I sit and simply observe...this is all new for me...genuine listening is perhaps something I was never actually comfortable doing before this time in my life...I was too busy writing it the way I wanted it to be...and these days, i feel like it's important for me to sit and let the script write itself...and I shall be a willing ,quiet listener. This is a luxury of opportunity. Come what may.
The Fall teaches me much. The trees are a lesson in themselves: root your self,stand tall and let things fall where they may: there is always the Spring! Meanwhile, enjoy the colors of life.
All of them.
Today i meet Pearl B. for lunch. It will be nice to see her. Such a good lady.
And tonight, another Epic new play reading at the Players' Club.
"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost,to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience."...Eleanor Roosevelt said that! you know, that 20th Century American Buddhist! Peter gave me that quote once in a card accompanying an anniversary gift..he has a great eye for good cards...and it is a quote that I feel particularly defines where I am in my life right now:
Breaking down barriers that have silently been holding me hostage, barriers of my own creation...sitting still when I have usually been (habitually) running around in frantic circles looking for a way not to sit still...opening my eyes to what people are actually saying and doing, instead of how i wish they were saying or doing...not filling in the blanks in an effort to make it all okay, but rather letting people I care for fill in their own blanks,while I sit and simply observe...this is all new for me...genuine listening is perhaps something I was never actually comfortable doing before this time in my life...I was too busy writing it the way I wanted it to be...and these days, i feel like it's important for me to sit and let the script write itself...and I shall be a willing ,quiet listener. This is a luxury of opportunity. Come what may.
The Fall teaches me much. The trees are a lesson in themselves: root your self,stand tall and let things fall where they may: there is always the Spring! Meanwhile, enjoy the colors of life.
All of them.
Friday, November 11, 2005
It's Falling, Falling, Falling..
...into the first brisk,clarifying notes of late Autumn, and our bodies begin to remember what it feels like to bundle up in defense...there is the taunt of a sharp-tongued Winter present...and its gleeful smile is evident in the lovely sunshine that accompanies the edge of cold in the wind...thank you Catherine B. for replying to what you read in this blog...makes me feel so good that people read it...and, every now and then, actually enjoy it...and even more, have the good grace to express a kindred feeling to do with what they read.
I was particularly touched by Janet M.'s response to the beautiful quote I included one day from Lama Surya Das...
Peter and I saw such a fun production of THE APPLE TREE last night down at NYU...a production of the Steinhardt School of Music, in their little Black Box Theater off Washington Square. A terrific use of the space, scenically, legitimate fun in the performances and the clever direction, and such a pleasure to hear singing voices with such fine presence. Costumes looked great (they borrow from The Costume Collection...a smart idea), and the totally packed small house had a great time...some of the cast i was already familiar with from watching classes, and the understanding of genuine character work was wonderfully surprising...it's like the understanding of what real vocal freedom is contributes to the students' understanding of what free large delightful character work is, and the results were remarkable...brave...with a sort of assurance and bravado that comes with pure fun.
We had dinner in a swell Mexican place before the show, and the West Village felt so alive with this Autumn briskness that presages the arrival of the Holidays. Invigorating. Peter and I are both getting excited about driving away to Michigan for Thanksgiving. Getting away....puppies cuddled in our laps...hours to spend while we drive to talk about life and simply be together. Not a lot of that lately, we are both so busy. Our doggies Cyrano and Sally adore riding in the car with us, and as soon as their little doggie bodies feel the engine's hum, they fall asleep deeply and become the meaning of the word cuddle...comforting, that sweet heavy feel of these little dogs' warm weight...total trust.Total relaxation. They love the car.
News from Barter: Melvin D. and Stephanie H. are engaged! Adorable and gifted young actors. She was "Louise" to my "Mama Rose"...so happy for them.
We leave for Michigan on the 19th, and the night before, Peter and I shall go see THE SOUND OF MUSIC at a nearby prep because one of my students, Caroline G. is playing "Maria" in it...she is beautiful and gifted and that should be fun! Another one of my younger students just got cast in the lead of her school musical and she is so excited...Britt B. as " Ruth" in WONDERFUL TOWN!! I'll go see that too!! And this weekend I may try to catch yet another of my "pre-college" kids in his production PETER PAN at Yorktown Players!(Kevin G. is playing " NaNa" the doggie...another wonderful young actor!)) All these youngsters excite and inspire me so much. Going to see them is the very least I can do. And despite what some people have told me is "wrong" to do, I am so moved by the work of all these students in my classes, I have to write about them. They bravely break through so many of their own fears every time they come to class each week, why should I be scared of announcing their bravery to people who care? What I am understanding is: we must not let others' fears make us smaller. With compassion, we must continue to make the world larger, even for the fearful ones. And maybe one day they will be glad too. I have spent so much of my life being influenced by others' fears. But, then, haven't we all? Compassion. Gotta keep working on it in my life.
Along with that, there are things mounting up Peter and i must cacth up with soon: the new SWEENY TODD, and I would like to see Judy Kaye in SOUVENIR. Many plays, both on and off Bway, too....in fact, lots!
But for now? OFF TO THE GYM!!!
I was particularly touched by Janet M.'s response to the beautiful quote I included one day from Lama Surya Das...
Peter and I saw such a fun production of THE APPLE TREE last night down at NYU...a production of the Steinhardt School of Music, in their little Black Box Theater off Washington Square. A terrific use of the space, scenically, legitimate fun in the performances and the clever direction, and such a pleasure to hear singing voices with such fine presence. Costumes looked great (they borrow from The Costume Collection...a smart idea), and the totally packed small house had a great time...some of the cast i was already familiar with from watching classes, and the understanding of genuine character work was wonderfully surprising...it's like the understanding of what real vocal freedom is contributes to the students' understanding of what free large delightful character work is, and the results were remarkable...brave...with a sort of assurance and bravado that comes with pure fun.
We had dinner in a swell Mexican place before the show, and the West Village felt so alive with this Autumn briskness that presages the arrival of the Holidays. Invigorating. Peter and I are both getting excited about driving away to Michigan for Thanksgiving. Getting away....puppies cuddled in our laps...hours to spend while we drive to talk about life and simply be together. Not a lot of that lately, we are both so busy. Our doggies Cyrano and Sally adore riding in the car with us, and as soon as their little doggie bodies feel the engine's hum, they fall asleep deeply and become the meaning of the word cuddle...comforting, that sweet heavy feel of these little dogs' warm weight...total trust.Total relaxation. They love the car.
News from Barter: Melvin D. and Stephanie H. are engaged! Adorable and gifted young actors. She was "Louise" to my "Mama Rose"...so happy for them.
We leave for Michigan on the 19th, and the night before, Peter and I shall go see THE SOUND OF MUSIC at a nearby prep because one of my students, Caroline G. is playing "Maria" in it...she is beautiful and gifted and that should be fun! Another one of my younger students just got cast in the lead of her school musical and she is so excited...Britt B. as " Ruth" in WONDERFUL TOWN!! I'll go see that too!! And this weekend I may try to catch yet another of my "pre-college" kids in his production PETER PAN at Yorktown Players!(Kevin G. is playing " NaNa" the doggie...another wonderful young actor!)) All these youngsters excite and inspire me so much. Going to see them is the very least I can do. And despite what some people have told me is "wrong" to do, I am so moved by the work of all these students in my classes, I have to write about them. They bravely break through so many of their own fears every time they come to class each week, why should I be scared of announcing their bravery to people who care? What I am understanding is: we must not let others' fears make us smaller. With compassion, we must continue to make the world larger, even for the fearful ones. And maybe one day they will be glad too. I have spent so much of my life being influenced by others' fears. But, then, haven't we all? Compassion. Gotta keep working on it in my life.
Along with that, there are things mounting up Peter and i must cacth up with soon: the new SWEENY TODD, and I would like to see Judy Kaye in SOUVENIR. Many plays, both on and off Bway, too....in fact, lots!
But for now? OFF TO THE GYM!!!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
I Hasten To Clarify...
Dearest Ann J. reminded me that I need to clarify the latest situation with Alice White...wonderful, gifted Alice, who has been quite ill lately and deep in a healing sleep at Beth Israel...I had erroneously reported that she was in a coma, but that is not strictly true: in order to ease her breathing when she first entered the hospital, they had to intubate her, with a breathing tube down her throat, and in order for the human body to endure that, it must be sedated...otherwise, gag reflexes and choking automatically set in and the tube cannot do its job..so ALice has been sedated, not comatose...then, the day i last visited her, they had performed a tracheotomy that morning, enabling them to remove the tube from her throat, so slowly they are allowing her to wake up...i imagine she will have quite a sore throat when she does...but we are all hopeful she will gain consciousness soon. and the infections that had been plaguing her, forcing her to be hospitalized, will be under control....she is surrounded by the love of so many caring friends day and night...I will return there tomorrow...she ahs been moved to a more intermediary floor than the MICU...fifth floor , I believe. I keep hearing stories of how she seems to be responding, even while "out", to stories being told to her by bedside pals...her spirit, strong and engaged in life, will always find a way to laugh...that is, simply, Alice.
Had the most remarkable lunch with Cynthia A. yesterday. What an deeply bright and loyal friend she is. She is teaching at the Stella Adler School,in their outreach program...such important work, and she is well - suited to lead these youngsters to knowing themselves better in a creative way...theaters and companies concerned with art should, in my view, help the young to now their world better through that art...especially the youth who otherwise could not afford to experience life that way. Finally, why else do we do what we do, if we cannot give others a chance to grow?
Had the most remarkable lunch with Cynthia A. yesterday. What an deeply bright and loyal friend she is. She is teaching at the Stella Adler School,in their outreach program...such important work, and she is well - suited to lead these youngsters to knowing themselves better in a creative way...theaters and companies concerned with art should, in my view, help the young to now their world better through that art...especially the youth who otherwise could not afford to experience life that way. Finally, why else do we do what we do, if we cannot give others a chance to grow?
Monday, November 07, 2005
Brisk Trip Through Sparkling Champagne
...it sparkled so today,in this wonderful city....I walked maybe 100 blocks to get errands accomplished..met the wonderful Jackie Y. for lunch at the Fairway Cafe..what a terrific and smart woman she continues to be...since i first met her years and years ago, a dozen or so by her count, she has served faithfully on the CAP 21 Board and has done so much good for the company...I was glad to be able to put her there as one of my first contributions to Board building...and she and i have been able to develop a genuine friendship over this time on many levels...we talk easily together. On a wide variety of subjects, both personal and professional.
It's nice to have a day wherein I can enjoy the city for the city it is.
The sheer neighbohood-ness of it all. The astonishing array of various stores and
people....walking for blocks and blocks in this town can be like spending the day in the world's most wonderful Museum of ART...each person another painting or sculpture, each block another gallery, another short story read outloud to the accompaniment of traffical music...Each stop for the "Walk" sign, merely a quarter-rest in the day's symphony.....this city is an opera. And the plotlines many and varied. A genuine work of spontaneous and exhilarating art. A never-ending expression of man's condition, day and night, summer,fall,winter,spring.
Remember The Howdy Doody Show? That bumptious puppet, companioned by Buffalo Bob and surrounded by such puppet pals as Flibbedy Jibbet and Princess Summer-Fall-Winter-Springk the toothsome indian maiden? Clarabelle the Clown, played by Bob Keeshan, who later became my boss on Captain Kangaroo?
There we all were, a nation of children, transfixed by Howdy, and Pinky Lee, (remember him?) and Ricky Nelson (my first conscious, though un-labelled sex object when I was , like, 9!), and so many others....Tinkerbelle, as she flitted her way into our lives every Sunday Night...no wonder i wept that first morning at Disney World, with Rick and Amanda...when I saw the Disney characters singing and dancing in front of me, what i really saw was my childhood magically morphing into re-existence, like champagne being poured out of an enchanted bottle...if Einstein ever needed more proof of his famous theory, all he had to do was resort to sheer memory and experience the strength of its hold on our perceptions...
A book on the subject of our Baby Boom childhood fantasies...how they shaped us...Remember Rin Tin Tin? Where in the heck did that name come from...why name a dog Rin Tin Tin? His owner, the sexy and muscular Captain, was indeed a man i wanted to marry...I used to kiss the side of our garage and pretend it was him!
Even the compact little energetic body of Mighty Mouse turned me on,and I had no idea why! I tell you, we are meant to be creative (did i want to bear Mighty Mouse's children?) and the spark of life is so alive, I am sure, in even the youngest of kids...television on Saturday mornings is a veritable sharpening of our sexual fantasies at the youngest of ages...it's how we all proceed through life...with fantasies of how to join with those things that will make us more powerful, wanted and safe...power...and children's television programming...sex and the single six-year-old...!
Am i rambling far afield and far too much?
I am so tired of dull imaginings. Creativities that can be satisfied by the things they buy in stores...since genuine creativity can never be satisfied by anything outside of us (it must come, like a spider's fine silk, from inside our deepest places), no wonder the dull ones need to buy more and more: they seek the ultimate fulfillment, and that simply is not purchaseable!Of course money matters...I need it and love it more than most...but it actually cannot buy a sunset. Only the house to view it from...and a free sand dune is far more confortable.
Lordy, lord...I am a'ramblin'...I miss Barter Theatre so much today.
It's nice to have a day wherein I can enjoy the city for the city it is.
The sheer neighbohood-ness of it all. The astonishing array of various stores and
people....walking for blocks and blocks in this town can be like spending the day in the world's most wonderful Museum of ART...each person another painting or sculpture, each block another gallery, another short story read outloud to the accompaniment of traffical music...Each stop for the "Walk" sign, merely a quarter-rest in the day's symphony.....this city is an opera. And the plotlines many and varied. A genuine work of spontaneous and exhilarating art. A never-ending expression of man's condition, day and night, summer,fall,winter,spring.
Remember The Howdy Doody Show? That bumptious puppet, companioned by Buffalo Bob and surrounded by such puppet pals as Flibbedy Jibbet and Princess Summer-Fall-Winter-Springk the toothsome indian maiden? Clarabelle the Clown, played by Bob Keeshan, who later became my boss on Captain Kangaroo?
There we all were, a nation of children, transfixed by Howdy, and Pinky Lee, (remember him?) and Ricky Nelson (my first conscious, though un-labelled sex object when I was , like, 9!), and so many others....Tinkerbelle, as she flitted her way into our lives every Sunday Night...no wonder i wept that first morning at Disney World, with Rick and Amanda...when I saw the Disney characters singing and dancing in front of me, what i really saw was my childhood magically morphing into re-existence, like champagne being poured out of an enchanted bottle...if Einstein ever needed more proof of his famous theory, all he had to do was resort to sheer memory and experience the strength of its hold on our perceptions...
A book on the subject of our Baby Boom childhood fantasies...how they shaped us...Remember Rin Tin Tin? Where in the heck did that name come from...why name a dog Rin Tin Tin? His owner, the sexy and muscular Captain, was indeed a man i wanted to marry...I used to kiss the side of our garage and pretend it was him!
Even the compact little energetic body of Mighty Mouse turned me on,and I had no idea why! I tell you, we are meant to be creative (did i want to bear Mighty Mouse's children?) and the spark of life is so alive, I am sure, in even the youngest of kids...television on Saturday mornings is a veritable sharpening of our sexual fantasies at the youngest of ages...it's how we all proceed through life...with fantasies of how to join with those things that will make us more powerful, wanted and safe...power...and children's television programming...sex and the single six-year-old...!
Am i rambling far afield and far too much?
I am so tired of dull imaginings. Creativities that can be satisfied by the things they buy in stores...since genuine creativity can never be satisfied by anything outside of us (it must come, like a spider's fine silk, from inside our deepest places), no wonder the dull ones need to buy more and more: they seek the ultimate fulfillment, and that simply is not purchaseable!Of course money matters...I need it and love it more than most...but it actually cannot buy a sunset. Only the house to view it from...and a free sand dune is far more confortable.
Lordy, lord...I am a'ramblin'...I miss Barter Theatre so much today.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Sabbatical
Yesterday, I had, for the first time ever, a colonoscopy! Dr. Ferran, my new lady doctor, suggested it was time, at my age, for such preventitive examinations, and so i said okay and will even have a bone density scan next week at Lenox Hill..I mean , why not?...preventative is good....and for some reason, i fear these tests far less than I mentally cringe at mammograms....something to do with sexual attractiveness, female identity, etc, no doubt...but...whatever..I had this interesting procedure done yesterday at noon, and have lived to tell this tale:
I realize i call things "interesting" because new things, new experiences do actually and authentically interest me, ususally more than they scare me! I love this fact. Anyway, yesterday was interesting. As was the day before.
As most of you probably know, the day before a colonoscopy, one is required to totally refraining eating any solid food...only clear liquids are allowed into your body...PLUS WHICH: one is required to do a bowel cleansing regimen that (without insurance) costs almost $70.00!!!! Thank goodness it only cost me $10.00, because if I had had to pay any more for something that made me feel that bad, I would have felt angry along with feeling nauseous, weak and awful! This stuff you have to drink is reprehensible! Lemon-lime flavor and all, it is noxious and after only one 8-ounce dose, my body rebelled at the very smell of it...so, whereas you are asked to drink some every 10 minutes, after the first few downings, it took me all day to finish the lot, and that was only if i could mix it with Ginger Ale....yecccccccch!!! And i do mean yeech!
At least it gave me something to care about more passionately than all the food i was not eating...sort of like having an enemy that unites all the forces...and all my forces were so intent upon finishing that horrible stuff and getting rid of the bodily stuff that needed to be gotten rid of, I had no time or energy to feel hungry or deprived! And before I knew it, the noxious stuff was finished and i could sleep away my starvation....i drank lots of others more pleasant liquids as well, since they ask you to guard against dehydration. NOTHING SOLID , though! Not even cream in your coffee....something about food forming into particles that could be aspirated into your lungs during the procedure,etc....
Dr. Susan Regisford, a gorgeous tall anthesthesiogist, gently took me under ( I had no idea i was even going to be sedated!!!) and before I knew it, the thing was done...I awoke feeling fantastically rested (thus the title of this piece) and all was well inside me! Easy. Pleasant. The worst part was having to drink that stuff the day before. So,, I am gaining an enormous amount of confidence in this new Dr. Elena Ferran and I like her. Next week: tune in for the adventure of my first Bone Density Test! All this good middle-aged preventitive checking up! Adventurous!
And, yes, interesting. Another sort of journey into self. The physical self. The seld that houses all the other selves I have always been so interested in.
I realize i call things "interesting" because new things, new experiences do actually and authentically interest me, ususally more than they scare me! I love this fact. Anyway, yesterday was interesting. As was the day before.
As most of you probably know, the day before a colonoscopy, one is required to totally refraining eating any solid food...only clear liquids are allowed into your body...PLUS WHICH: one is required to do a bowel cleansing regimen that (without insurance) costs almost $70.00!!!! Thank goodness it only cost me $10.00, because if I had had to pay any more for something that made me feel that bad, I would have felt angry along with feeling nauseous, weak and awful! This stuff you have to drink is reprehensible! Lemon-lime flavor and all, it is noxious and after only one 8-ounce dose, my body rebelled at the very smell of it...so, whereas you are asked to drink some every 10 minutes, after the first few downings, it took me all day to finish the lot, and that was only if i could mix it with Ginger Ale....yecccccccch!!! And i do mean yeech!
At least it gave me something to care about more passionately than all the food i was not eating...sort of like having an enemy that unites all the forces...and all my forces were so intent upon finishing that horrible stuff and getting rid of the bodily stuff that needed to be gotten rid of, I had no time or energy to feel hungry or deprived! And before I knew it, the noxious stuff was finished and i could sleep away my starvation....i drank lots of others more pleasant liquids as well, since they ask you to guard against dehydration. NOTHING SOLID , though! Not even cream in your coffee....something about food forming into particles that could be aspirated into your lungs during the procedure,etc....
Dr. Susan Regisford, a gorgeous tall anthesthesiogist, gently took me under ( I had no idea i was even going to be sedated!!!) and before I knew it, the thing was done...I awoke feeling fantastically rested (thus the title of this piece) and all was well inside me! Easy. Pleasant. The worst part was having to drink that stuff the day before. So,, I am gaining an enormous amount of confidence in this new Dr. Elena Ferran and I like her. Next week: tune in for the adventure of my first Bone Density Test! All this good middle-aged preventitive checking up! Adventurous!
And, yes, interesting. Another sort of journey into self. The physical self. The seld that houses all the other selves I have always been so interested in.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Falling in love..
..with Fall...and the trees have not even begun to seriously change yet...Falling...
a most natural, gravity-induced, natural way to react to how the world has affected you: something happens, you fall....confident in the knowledge that the fall will not so much be broken by meeting a hard object, but rather, you fall to meet your destiny, which, no matter what, is meant to be....an odd variation of : "you made your bed, now lie in (fall down into) it....Fall...how relaxing to view even our fall into, well, let's say, death, as a natural inevitability that welcomes us all...Paul is dealing with the final days of his dearest mom right now....final in the sense that, at some 95 plus years of age, comfortably situated in a home that cares well for her, she is so seemingly ready to finally be granted the peace of the final fall...she begs for the comfort of something she cannot quite attain in her present alive state...she is uncomfortable with the way things now are...she wants relief...but she is, basically, a healthy woman....and still , my guess is, she is tired of it all....95 plus years later, who wouldn't be? We all need naps. Good healthy refreshing slumbers, from which we do awaken ready to once again live.
Paul and Steve are in Chicago this week, taking good care of Mom..I know she is comforted by their presence.
Had such a swell auditioon fr David Saint of George Street Theater yesterday, for such a funny play: Inspecting Carol....funny funny play. Had such a good good creative time, I don't even care if i book it..it was just fun to do! And every good character woman in the world was there...all well able to do the show, each bringing thier own specific thing to it...Dear David will have a wealth of choices...which is how it should be! I had a chance to catch up with dear old pals Peggy Cosgrove and Leila Martin...we are all maturing into such good women, in a community that has been good to each and every one of us...really a pleasure to catch up. Meanwhile Pat M. was most generous of Peter in her praise of his recent audition for her...that was gtood to hear too.
Alice White is still at Beth Israel, and in a light coma, but her condition seems to be improving, This is such good news. I will visit her today or tomorrow. And read the 2006 Barter Theatre Season Preview Brochure to her. She will be tickled by that, and enjoy the info, even in her current state of semi-consciousness. I can see her mentally smiling now.
Had two wonderful fun classes this week, for the first time at Ripley-Grier Studios, on 8th Avenue, where it feels so delightfully welcoming and comfortable in a homey sort of way....the people in my classes love the new location, as it is more central for them all, and there is so much more to do after class, like go get a margherita at a good Theater District joint, which is what some of them did Tuesday night! And the energy of the classses was somehow sharper and more focused, as if the energies they all feel when they go to auditions at these same studios was informing how they were working in class...it was good. In honor of the new "digs", we worked for hours on various audition exercises...very productive. Eddie Guttman was the sub pianist for Tuesday and he is absolutely terrific...now, with the inestimable Paul Johnson in my corner, and now Eddie, the students are so well-taken-care of...so much can get accomplished.
I am grateful.
The more I read about Tibetan Buddhism, the mroe I realize how well it blends with the Nichiren Buddhism I have been devoted to. My knowledge of both has the effect of strengthening both for me. I am enthralled by the history of Buddhism as it developed in other countries...it has always seemd a belief system that came to the rescue of countries that needed it...it appeared and developed when the time was ripe for it, and always so full of natural wisdom, countries, nations, communities, adapted it as their own. A powerful natural ally, this Buddhism. Extremely comforting.
a most natural, gravity-induced, natural way to react to how the world has affected you: something happens, you fall....confident in the knowledge that the fall will not so much be broken by meeting a hard object, but rather, you fall to meet your destiny, which, no matter what, is meant to be....an odd variation of : "you made your bed, now lie in (fall down into) it....Fall...how relaxing to view even our fall into, well, let's say, death, as a natural inevitability that welcomes us all...Paul is dealing with the final days of his dearest mom right now....final in the sense that, at some 95 plus years of age, comfortably situated in a home that cares well for her, she is so seemingly ready to finally be granted the peace of the final fall...she begs for the comfort of something she cannot quite attain in her present alive state...she is uncomfortable with the way things now are...she wants relief...but she is, basically, a healthy woman....and still , my guess is, she is tired of it all....95 plus years later, who wouldn't be? We all need naps. Good healthy refreshing slumbers, from which we do awaken ready to once again live.
Paul and Steve are in Chicago this week, taking good care of Mom..I know she is comforted by their presence.
Had such a swell auditioon fr David Saint of George Street Theater yesterday, for such a funny play: Inspecting Carol....funny funny play. Had such a good good creative time, I don't even care if i book it..it was just fun to do! And every good character woman in the world was there...all well able to do the show, each bringing thier own specific thing to it...Dear David will have a wealth of choices...which is how it should be! I had a chance to catch up with dear old pals Peggy Cosgrove and Leila Martin...we are all maturing into such good women, in a community that has been good to each and every one of us...really a pleasure to catch up. Meanwhile Pat M. was most generous of Peter in her praise of his recent audition for her...that was gtood to hear too.
Alice White is still at Beth Israel, and in a light coma, but her condition seems to be improving, This is such good news. I will visit her today or tomorrow. And read the 2006 Barter Theatre Season Preview Brochure to her. She will be tickled by that, and enjoy the info, even in her current state of semi-consciousness. I can see her mentally smiling now.
Had two wonderful fun classes this week, for the first time at Ripley-Grier Studios, on 8th Avenue, where it feels so delightfully welcoming and comfortable in a homey sort of way....the people in my classes love the new location, as it is more central for them all, and there is so much more to do after class, like go get a margherita at a good Theater District joint, which is what some of them did Tuesday night! And the energy of the classses was somehow sharper and more focused, as if the energies they all feel when they go to auditions at these same studios was informing how they were working in class...it was good. In honor of the new "digs", we worked for hours on various audition exercises...very productive. Eddie Guttman was the sub pianist for Tuesday and he is absolutely terrific...now, with the inestimable Paul Johnson in my corner, and now Eddie, the students are so well-taken-care of...so much can get accomplished.
I am grateful.
The more I read about Tibetan Buddhism, the mroe I realize how well it blends with the Nichiren Buddhism I have been devoted to. My knowledge of both has the effect of strengthening both for me. I am enthralled by the history of Buddhism as it developed in other countries...it has always seemd a belief system that came to the rescue of countries that needed it...it appeared and developed when the time was ripe for it, and always so full of natural wisdom, countries, nations, communities, adapted it as their own. A powerful natural ally, this Buddhism. Extremely comforting.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Wisdom
Lama Surya Das writes in AWAKENING TO THE SACRED (p.322)
"Walking the spiritual path brings us in touch with pure being and the truth of who we are. What a relief! Spirituality is authentic and real. Spirituality is sane, natural, meaningful living,
...What we seek is naturally within us all....some call it the True Self or Higher Self. Others call it clear inner light or innate luminosity. Hindus call it the Supreme Self to distinguish this true self from the ego. Many call it Authentic presence or Pure Being.
...Think about what the terms "Pure Being" or "Authentic Presence" mean...then think about your day-to-day life and whether your activities help you feel more or less connected to your true self. Doesn't it seem we all spend too much time pretending to be something we're not, telling ourselves stories about how it could be otherwise if only...? Pretense is habit-forming as well as unnatural...we become completely accustomed to gluing on personas tht prove to the world we are "fine", "cool", "confident" , "cheerful","desirable" and "something special". It can be deadening. ....To some degree, we all guard ourselves from being known. It can be easier to hide out behind the masks we wear to protet us from the world. It's how we go through life: We cresate this kind of dream and then forget that we're dreaming.
What would it feel like if you could stop pretending to yourself or anyone else? Wouldn't it be great if you were able to give yourself unconditional acceptance and permisson to be the person you really are? Think about the bliss of being at one with things just as they are. Think about the bliss of just being."
And he goes on to discuss the highest teaching of Tibet called Dzogchen, which is translated as "Inner Great Perfection"...this part about pretense so touched me.
We had such an intersting weekend, last weekend...
"Walking the spiritual path brings us in touch with pure being and the truth of who we are. What a relief! Spirituality is authentic and real. Spirituality is sane, natural, meaningful living,
...What we seek is naturally within us all....some call it the True Self or Higher Self. Others call it clear inner light or innate luminosity. Hindus call it the Supreme Self to distinguish this true self from the ego. Many call it Authentic presence or Pure Being.
...Think about what the terms "Pure Being" or "Authentic Presence" mean...then think about your day-to-day life and whether your activities help you feel more or less connected to your true self. Doesn't it seem we all spend too much time pretending to be something we're not, telling ourselves stories about how it could be otherwise if only...? Pretense is habit-forming as well as unnatural...we become completely accustomed to gluing on personas tht prove to the world we are "fine", "cool", "confident" , "cheerful","desirable" and "something special". It can be deadening. ....To some degree, we all guard ourselves from being known. It can be easier to hide out behind the masks we wear to protet us from the world. It's how we go through life: We cresate this kind of dream and then forget that we're dreaming.
What would it feel like if you could stop pretending to yourself or anyone else? Wouldn't it be great if you were able to give yourself unconditional acceptance and permisson to be the person you really are? Think about the bliss of being at one with things just as they are. Think about the bliss of just being."
And he goes on to discuss the highest teaching of Tibet called Dzogchen, which is translated as "Inner Great Perfection"...this part about pretense so touched me.
We had such an intersting weekend, last weekend...
