Friday, September 17, 2010
Chance > Change: Writing the Future
Writing the Future
"Fabulous, fresh early morning in this lovely town: cool, moist harbinger of a delicious Fall to come: all seems possible."
I'm quoting myself above - a post I put on FB yesterday morning...and it got such sweet response from people, all of whom complimented me on my way with words, my ability to describe...I mean, people are so very nice when it comes to my casual writing, and I really appreciate their comments, because I love to write , have written privately for so long, and am about to leap of the cliff of the "Familiar" out into the limitless space of the "Unknown" and writing is the very thing I want to be able to hang my hat on, so to speak...
I no longer care if I am identified as an actress or director anymore...not that I don't deeply appreciate all I've gone through to accomplish what I've accomplished through the years - I honestly am grateful for every bit of experience and success (and even the failures) that I've had...no ...don't misunderstand me: I love the life in the theatre that I've had...i honor it...and highly value every moment of it...i do NOT take it all for granted. Truly, I do not.
I am glad for it.
But, at my advanced age (!!) I understand now that life has so much more to it - has so much more for all of us - than the titles we assign ourselves early in our lives. When we are younger, it's important for us to be able to define who we are by a phrase, usually associated with what we do to earn money: "I am a lawyer"..."I am an architect"..."What I do is TV commercials"..I am what I do...etc...Much like beginning acting students who, early in their training seem to need a definitive technique, usually associated with some famous teacher or writer of acting texts, to tell them HOW to do it, HOW to become a good actor...and later they learn that to be a truly fine actor requires an open-ness to all techniques, a willingness to use whatever makes the building of the character they play fullest, most resonant, truest...we respond to what is needed.
ANd, the way I'm feeling now - with San Francisco looming on the horizon - is more open, willing and sensitive than I've ever been in my entire life, to what is needed...what will be called for...what will be asked of me in the service of fully expressing my self, my life in the service of improving this planet.
And if that means writing a book to tell about the true love of an odd family-so be it...if it means volunteering in a museum, or feeding the hungry...okay! If it means directing kids in a musical over in Berkeley, I'll do that...but if it means sitting by the side of the Pacific and doing nothing but think,inquire, analyze, meditate? THen I will somehow find the patience and endurance to let my self be still.
My problem has never been finding things to DO...my life has never wanted for "busy-ness". The real challenge for the coming time is learning how to be still, how to trust, and how to enjoy the stillness.
I'm practically joyous ( some days) with the anticipation of the fears I will feel...i almost welcome them as signs of growth and expansion into areas of my self-expression yet to be discovered.
What will be? Will definitely be. ANd my blood rushes at the very thought.
I'm quoting myself above - a post I put on FB yesterday morning...and it got such sweet response from people, all of whom complimented me on my way with words, my ability to describe...I mean, people are so very nice when it comes to my casual writing, and I really appreciate their comments, because I love to write , have written privately for so long, and am about to leap of the cliff of the "Familiar" out into the limitless space of the "Unknown" and writing is the very thing I want to be able to hang my hat on, so to speak...
I no longer care if I am identified as an actress or director anymore...not that I don't deeply appreciate all I've gone through to accomplish what I've accomplished through the years - I honestly am grateful for every bit of experience and success (and even the failures) that I've had...no ...don't misunderstand me: I love the life in the theatre that I've had...i honor it...and highly value every moment of it...i do NOT take it all for granted. Truly, I do not.
I am glad for it.
But, at my advanced age (!!) I understand now that life has so much more to it - has so much more for all of us - than the titles we assign ourselves early in our lives. When we are younger, it's important for us to be able to define who we are by a phrase, usually associated with what we do to earn money: "I am a lawyer"..."I am an architect"..."What I do is TV commercials"..I am what I do...etc...Much like beginning acting students who, early in their training seem to need a definitive technique, usually associated with some famous teacher or writer of acting texts, to tell them HOW to do it, HOW to become a good actor...and later they learn that to be a truly fine actor requires an open-ness to all techniques, a willingness to use whatever makes the building of the character they play fullest, most resonant, truest...we respond to what is needed.
ANd, the way I'm feeling now - with San Francisco looming on the horizon - is more open, willing and sensitive than I've ever been in my entire life, to what is needed...what will be called for...what will be asked of me in the service of fully expressing my self, my life in the service of improving this planet.
And if that means writing a book to tell about the true love of an odd family-so be it...if it means volunteering in a museum, or feeding the hungry...okay! If it means directing kids in a musical over in Berkeley, I'll do that...but if it means sitting by the side of the Pacific and doing nothing but think,inquire, analyze, meditate? THen I will somehow find the patience and endurance to let my self be still.
My problem has never been finding things to DO...my life has never wanted for "busy-ness". The real challenge for the coming time is learning how to be still, how to trust, and how to enjoy the stillness.
I'm practically joyous ( some days) with the anticipation of the fears I will feel...i almost welcome them as signs of growth and expansion into areas of my self-expression yet to be discovered.
What will be? Will definitely be. ANd my blood rushes at the very thought.
Labels: San Francisco, Writing
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Being an Employed Actor on a Gorgeous Summer Day
A sunny, clear, cool/warm late Summer day Abingdon, Virginia
Where Trouble Sleeps rehearsal - smack dab in the middle of Labor Day Weekend!
One thing that actors do – especially actors with careers that bring them employment, good fortune and steady salaries – is to spend most of their lives inside rehearsal halls, large, small, clean or dusty, rehearsing plays and musicals for imminent presentation to audiences, most of whom are outside in the glorious sunlight having fun…which actors happily convince themselves they are having as well… fun, I mean….but , for some time now, it has been clear to me that I would rather be outside in that glorious sunshine than be rehearsing anything! And that point has been driven home to me yet again today, as this sweet Labor Day Holiday Weekend has been intruded upon by this much-needed but nonetheless intrusive Where Trouble Sleeps rehearsal….it is so pretty outside today...so utterly beautiful.
It’s weird, really, because I enjoy the process of acting ,still, very much, and honor the process in myself and in others as much as I ever have …but, there is something strong inside me, telling me to pay attention to Life in other ways, to allow myself to journey deeper, down into the territory of my truer self, ask questions, explore new and challenging skills, be quiet, watch the world, be in it in ways that I’ve not had the ability to be in it before: it’s time for me to process and create in new ways….ways that have more to do with nature….sun…large water….trees…California! The Pacific Ocean!
SO – really, I don’t resent this rehearsal in the middle of the useful, productive weekend Peter and I have been having...but it has made me aware of what i would rather be doing soon with my life.
And so, the move to San Francisco! We can hardly wait.
Peter's last day of employment at the Barter is September 30th, after two weeks of helping his successor (whose name we have not been told...about whom we have been told nothing at all, really) understand where he has taken the Barter Marketing Department. He is pretty glad for that because he's so ready to move on to new adventures, as am I, and now that he has been told a final date (he told the Administration at Barter that we were leaving some 5 months ago!) he is excited about opening up the possibilities for his next area of professional involvement...he has so much he wants to do...and he is highly capable of doing so many wonderful things in so many various areas of human endeavor...i am excited for him.
My last day here at Barter is November 13th, the day that this play I am in right now closes. Along with that date, my many many duties as Outreach Director end as well....which I don't quite understand , but that is what was decided. And, of course, I am also ecstatic about that...I will have time to get things organized and sold and packed,etc so our move West can go well....but still, I wonder if all my Outreach/Education duties can possibly be communicated in the time period we'll have to the several people I am handing them over to!?! Well, i can only do the best I can do, right?
And, as ever, my many journeys to and from Barter Theatre are hard to predict, since my pattern vis a vis Barter has been to come back and forth from New York over the past 18 years...time and again...and the longest I have been able to stay (and now that Peter is in my life, make that a "we") is 3, maybe 4 years at a time...then we have to get back to an urban center, to be nourished ourselves by all the cultural institutions and concerts and stuff that this dear region simply does not have....it has so very much: beauty, special kinds of music, heart and mountain soul, good people, wonderful stories,et al.....but there's a certain sort of cultural "plug in" that both Peter and I need, and it's to do with a type of urban diversity that only larger cities contain....so, i hope I will be back to Barter, as I always have returned and adored returning...but we need to get West to that astonishing City by the Bay...and see what it has to offer us....it has so much.
Meanwhile, here we are, inside on a pretty day, as we continue to clarify and specify the needs of this lovely play that Catherine Bush has adapted from the charming Clyde Edgerton novel...it really has been terrific getting to know this author's writing, and I've already finished 3 of his novels, enjoying each one more than the last. He has an appealing sense of humor, wrapped in a slightly jaundiced view of a South he so clearly loves. So, while you're laughing at the quirks and quibbles of his very human characters, you are also siding with various points of view Edgerton presents: now on one side of the cultural argument, now on the other, and if at times you feel slightly schizophrenic, as your feelings and opinions shift, it's only because Edgerton writes characters that are deeply sympathetic, even as they are deeply foolish, and even hateful.
Is this the last play I will ever rehearse at Barter Theatre? I sincerely hope not. But , for now at least, Westward Ho the Wagons!
Labels: Barter Theatre, San Francisco
