Saturday, September 26, 2009

Such a Necessary Saturday

The non-profit arts "model" in this country works like this: put the passionate,talented, and dedicated to work, and by counting on their particular need to get the job done well at any cost to their lives, their health, their sanity, make it necessary for them to work until the job gets done. More often than not, it's not just one job they must complete, but many jobs at a time. Non-Profit arts in this country count on the passion...require the dedication...because there is certainly never the money necessary to hire enough people to create all that needs creating, not enough money to support all the various projects, theaters, companies,etc. So, in lieu of money, this particular model is fueled by artists' need to do their art ....this particular model could not exist unless countless creative people cared enough to make it work.

My high school English teacher - Miss Connell - said: "Choose for a living that thing that you would pay someone else to let you do!" - and all these many years, I have not only ascribed to that point of view and allowed it guide my life, but I have taught it to countless other young actors as well: in essence "Follow your passions, and you'll be able to endure most anything in that pursuit."

The non-profit model I am writing about thrives on this philosophy. Burn your candle at both ends so nothing is left but an honorable and satisfied pile of ashes....the smell of sulphur...a whiff of fulfilled smoke.

As I get older, however, I seem to want my Saturdays to myself....my Sundays to do nothing in...my life to be my own, not belonging to gods of any sort...not even the gods of Art! I am discovering other shrines worth worshiping at, and they generally are solitary shrines, requiring nothing more than my thought, my breath and my personal need to explore in the quiet.....today - in the midst of a most raucous September - today may be one of these necessary Saturdays ...and I am grateful...so grateful. As its hours melt away, its minutes drip slowly by, I treasure the freedom, and anticipate unique discoveries...it is a grey and rainy September day,and I will make of it a monastery.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Birthing a Tour and Celebrating a Husband!

Well, the OF MICE AND MEN Tour had two good shows in Greeneville yesterday at the Nisewonger Center (a lovely place run by truly lovely people!), and despite some tech "snafu's" that were ironed out by our road crew staying up late to fix things, the show looked great, and actors performed wonderfully! Now, tonight, having successfully arrived in Lexington, Kentucky, this fine company of actors and crew have their first of 5 shows in the Opera House there, and I am so proud of everyone! I am most proud of the melding of styles accomplished between our tech people who are on the road with the show and the styles of the new folks we brought in especially for the Tour...there were some rough and un-typical moments of personality tension to start with, but with the help and support of many people, these tensions seem to have resolved in favor of working FOR the Tour and making it happen well. And so far? So good! I have grown particularly fond of the spirited young woman we hired to be our Company Manager: Rebecca Reinhardt. i adore this girl! Her good spirits, her good mind, her sweet heart and her smart business sense, all combining to make her first outing as a real Company Manager not half as bad as it could have been with a lesser new person! She is terrific! And before this Tour is done, she will be fabulous at this job, having learned more than she ever even suspected she was going to need to learn. I now consider Rebecca my new sister....i truly like her. She makes me laugh, when , lately, there hasn't seemed that much to laugh at!

Brava Rebecca for all you done to get this show on the road! I am thankful for you.

But this learning thing can honestly be said for all of us here: every day, especially in this busiest part of our year that we call "Techtember", every day, numerous new problems have arisen, total suprises that have caught all of us off guard...unexpected turns and many many instances where things were asked of us we did not even know we had to have to give!! We are performing this lovely production at some 30 different venues across the country, so this is by no means a small "local"tour...so all the experience this theatre has had hither to this point, even though it helped to get us going a little in the right direction, none of the smaller tour experience prepared us for the numberless details necessary, the infinite things we needed to figure out way ahead of when we thought we needed to, answers needed by hundreds of people around the route of the Tour...itineraries to figure out, for both cast and crew (thanks to R.R.for patiently doing that part)...hotel rooms to book and secure (thank you all the gals at Road Concierge for that part), enormous amounts of information to get to Tech Directors around the country who needed it far sooner than we were able to supply it (an ironic hit on the head to all those who stood in the way of that part of the process...)...BUT MAINLY, my biggest obstacle (as it often is) was all the stuff I did not even know I did not know!!! ALl the stuff I had no idea I even had to know....all the rude awakenings! But somehow, so far we have survived,despite my lack of expertise.

But tonight - let the wonderful Tour do its thing! Because I am going to an elegant Awards dinner for my fabulous husband Peter Yonka: he is being honored as one of this region's 40 Under 40! And he deserves every single bit of the honor. He has worked hard for it, never failing to give this theatre every ounce of his energies even when he had no energies left. I am so proud of him. We will celebrate together, at a table with others of our admired and respected colleagues . We look forward to a fun evening. CONGRATULATIONS PETER!

More soon.

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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Day/Night - Black/White

I cannot begin to describe the difference last night's Adult Acting Class made for me.

Opening LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, with its attendant pressures and micro-managed "crises", all drained me beyond limit, so that I came away from it thrilled that the audiences are enjoying it as much as they do, but also, as I said, thoroughly exhausted....tired of a process i cannot seem to enjoy lately, as much as I used to...discouraged, not by this art form's necessary collaboration, but by the way I have been experiencing it of late...so sad and tired...that i feared for the 1st Adult Acting Class of this Fall "semester", which met last night. I wondered where I would get the energy to teach it creatively and effectively.

Well, those 12 amazing people came into the New Hall, open and willing....lay down on the floor for the usual warm-up....and after two hours of talk, sharing of monologues and more discussion, this room of strangers left the New Hall as a company of actors, ready to work on Chekov for the first time in their lives, and excited about doing it! Such talent waiting to happen...such generosity towards themselves and others in the room....such emotional honesty with each other....such open-ness....it was transforming for me. I floated home after class, on clouds of gratitude and satisfaction. These marvelous people reminded me of the good things in this art form: sharing of stories, letting others in...the art and craft of acting as a powerful way to connect...and above all, the love of it....the sheer love of it. The cast of LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS has this love, this openness and this willingness...it's just the process surrounding their Opening that brought me down.

I entered the class room cloaked in the darkness of a night of the soul, and left the room two hours later clothed in sunshine, even though it was 9:00 at night....so glad to be teaching these people...although it's they who really taught me last night.

I am at some sort of crisis point in my relationship to directing. Perhaps it's the sheer volume of other projects and pressures that prevent me from relaxing into simply directing a show...maybe I am simply too too busy doing other things...too exhausted by them...to do the kind of directing job I am capable of doing, so that no matter how much the audiences enjoy the product, I see all I wish I had had time to do, all the things I missed along the way...one thing for sure: by the end of a tense tech week, even with a staff and crew that are working their best and doing all they possibly can to make it good, everyone is so tired and stressed, tempers fray and friendships strained...it is not pleasant for me anymore. And I need to understand how to dissolve that obstacle in myself. Because it is up to me: nothing else will change...it's all in how I allow myself to experience it. This is a test for me...not for others.

So last night's Adult Acting Class revived my flagging spirits in important ways. Gave me back my confidence and joy....reminded me of my particular power that had all but disappeared by the end of this last rehearsal process. So, I am grateful...very grateful for it and the people in it. Now, i need to figure out and understand what I am doing wrong in the directing process that leaves me open to such pain and doubt.....because it is my pain and my doubt...no one else's....and it's mine to solve.








Thursday, September 10, 2009

Destiny

Do we make our own? Or are we meant to follow it?

That's the question for today, as I groggily awake to a 2nd day of tech rehearsals for LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORs . ....as I contemplate a life spent in theater (mine)...as i look out at a lovely mountain morning and wish I could spend a random, relaxed day in it...as I realize there is a larger world out there for me to experience, larger than the narrow ,focused one I've spent most of my life striving in.

Yes, I know a job's a job...and that's why they call it "job" and not "vacation"...a job is work...at times distasteful or burdensome work one would rather not be doing....(a friend tells me he always wishes he could simply sleep through tech weeks of the shows he directs, and wake up on the other side)...and finally, as always, shows do come together (as is often quoted in SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE: " It's a mystery!").

But I am real interested right now - at this particular time in my life - real interested in where I am supposed to go next with my energies and my creativity....I've been given wonderful opportunities here to do many things that interest me, and many things that I know serve others in the ways i like to serve others.I doubt that I will be given these chances anywhere else in such amplitude and breadth...so why do i feel like sitting...simply sitting....and looking out over vast horizons with nothing in sight to do except think and look some more? Is it a deeper spiritual life calling me? Am I meant to take this time in my life and go deeper into Life's mysteries in a more direct way? AM I supposed to write more?

I know, I know...i can do whatever I want to do, because I've a life (a blessed one, really) that affords me choice. And I am capable of choice. Maybe it's time for me to learn and put into action my real strengths...strengths I've not allowed myself to acknowledge or utilize: stating my beliefs , believing in my years of experience, and simply saying what i want to others who seem to be in control...oddly , I know they re not....but my awareness, my willingness to step up on my own behalf is something i am realizing with a certain degree of amusement and wryness: I see myself be the little girl I have been all my life...and I know now she is a strong capable person who needs protection no longer....she's even gone past the feisty, need-to-fight-back stage....the little girl within me can afford to be generous and magnanimous...she has gained equanimity. Though she still wants to stick her leg out and trip others sometimes...throw pies in a few faces....gosh , I sure am rambling this morning...

ANYWAY: I want a beach and I want it soon...water to smell and look out over...beauty, not stale dust...sun, not harsh lighting...peace, not tension. I want to hear my heartbeat, not the tense rumblings of an acidic stomach. I want something that makes sense to me, not something that is an habitual set of well worn actions. My Destiny? I feel on the verge of it. So, as so often before in this eventful life I've lived this time 'round, who else is going to step off that cliff but me? No one is going to push me (well, it doesn't seem that way right now anyway)...so, come on you big size 10 feet you! Take that step.

Destiny

Do we make our own? Or are we meant to follow it?

That's the question for today, as I groggily awake to a 2nd day of tech rehearsals for LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORs . ....as I contemplate a life spent in theater (mine)...as i look out at a lovely mountain morning and wish I could spend a random, relaxed day in it...as I realize there is a larger world out there for me to experience, larger than the narrow ,focused one I've spent most of my life striving in.

Yes, I know a job's a job...and that's why they call it "job" and not "vacation"...a job is work...at times distasteful or burdensome work one would rather not be doing....(a friend tells me he always wishes he could simply sleep through tech weeks of the shows he directs, and wake up on the other side)...and finally, as always, shows do come together (as is often quoted in SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE: " It's a mystery!").

But I am real interested right now - at this particular time in my life - real interested in where I am supposed to go next with my energies and my creativity....I've been given wonderful opportunities here to do many things that interest me, and many things that I know serve others in the ways i like to serve others.I doubt that I will be given these chances anywhere else in such amplitude and breadth...so why do i feel like sitting...simply sitting....and looking out over vast horizons with nothing in sight to do except think and look some more? Is it a deeper spiritual life calling me? Am I meant to take this time in my life and go deeper into Life's mysteries in a more direct way? AM I supposed to write more?

I know, I know...i can do whatever I want to do, because I've a life (a blessed one, really) that affords me choice. And I am capable of choice. Maybe it's time for me to learn and put into action my real strengths...strengths I've not allowed myself to acknowledge or utilize: stating my beliefs , believing in my years of experience, and simply saying what i want to others who seem to be in control...oddly , I know they re not....but my awareness, my willingness to step up on my own behalf is something i am realizing with a certain degree of amusement and wryness: I see myself be the little girl I have been all my life...and I know now she is a strong capable person who needs protection no longer....she's even gone past the feisty, need-to-fight-back stage....the little girl within me can afford to be generous and magnanimous...she has gained equanimity. Though she still wants to stick her leg out and trip others sometimes...throw pies in a few faces....gosh , I sure am rambling this morning...

ANYWAY: I want a beach and I want it soon...water to smell and look out over...beauty, not stale dust...sun, not harsh lighting...peace, not tension. I want to hear my heartbeat, not the tense rumblings of an acidic stomach. I want something that makes sense to me, not something that is an habitual set of well worn actions. My Destiny? I feel on the verge of it. So, as so often before in this eventful life I've lived this time 'round, who else is going to step off that cliff but me? No one is going to push me (well, it doesn't seem that way right now anyway)...so, come on you big size 10 feet you! Take that step.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS Tech TIme

Today - and now tonight - is first day of technical rehearsals for our production of LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS that I'm directing,...it has its first preview on this coming Friday night, September 11th. For those of you who are "civilians" and know not what tech rehearsals are, let me explain:

When rehearsing a show,most rehearsal time is spent in a relatively empty hall, with tape on the floor to represent all the various scenes and doorways and settings,etc. Most actors become used to acting a three dimensional world of a play in a two dimensional rehearsal hall...it's part of our technique as we gain more and more experience, although I must admit , I still have trouble imagining what a set will really look like, dimensionally, when I spend weeks and weeks in a bare hall.

Anyway, shortly before a show opens to the public, it moves to the actual theatre where it will perform and it's time for tech rehearsals!!! "Tech" refers to any and all things that make a show happen that are NOT the actors, the words, the music or the staging. "Tech" is the lights, the sound, the set, the properties handled by the actors, the costumes, the make-up....all that stuff....and it takes time to put all that together....most people who are not in theatre don't realize that. It takes a lot of time.

So here we are putting it all together for LITTLE SHOP...and with 4 incarnations of the Audrey II plant alone, to work with, manipulate, make into an "actor" and a "singer " and a "dancer", and with all the music being done not to live musicians working but to tracks being played over a sound system that needs balancing with all the mics being worn by the actors,etc, and with all the difficult spacing issues in this particular small theatre, today could have gone much worse than it has...and with much more difficulty.....but, we have a seasoned and talented crew of folks here...so it will all get done.

When I stop to consider how many years of my life I've spent inside a theatre, it boggles my mind...how much of my life I've spent in dressing rooms, surrounded in the dark by other fellow actors , all waiting to go into the light and bring worlds alive for the watching audiences...i have been a true person of the theatre...and i have given most of my life to it. And here I am again. This time as a director, not as an actor, waiting for rehearsals to begin.


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