Chance = Change

- Peter and the pups are already at the Upstate House where i intend to join them tomorrow afternoon...can hardly wait..

-the group of 1st year Grads i am working with here at my "private studio" are working so well and hard...such enormous steps taken, and I am impressed with their hard work ethic...the group fluctuates..with one going off to do a job, another joining here and there..but the main energy stays steady...i like it. we are working on various journal writing exercises to get them to open up to the world around them, and then to get out of their heads and more into their bodies....a common plaint of the classically trained singer...they are taught to be in their bodies in a certain way, and other emotional reasons for letting their body completely feel and express go by the wayside...I am trying to remind them they can do it all, in an integrated and healthy way....and to not do the emotional expression completely is robbing themselves and their audiences of the full power of their talents. This group seems to "get it"...each week they look and are more liberated in their work. Thrilling.

-Tomorrow (getting in the way of my going Upstate as early as I want to) is another"meeting" about the Adam Sandler project I am still on hold for...this is news to me, as I had assumed their interest in me had waned..but my agent tells me they have been calling all month to check to see if i am still available...I do wonder how this is supposed to work out....well, we'll see.

-Going to see WITH GLEE tonight downtown at NYU at the Skirball....several students in it...promised I'd go...so i shall...Peter was to go with me, but is Upstate instead, and other attempts I've made to get others to come with me have failed...no one wants to go all the way downtown in this heat. Seems like a far awaycountry in such weather.

-Reading and reading more Reginald Ray on Vajrayana Buddhist studies...love it so much. Meditating consistently. Feels extraordinary. Insights come pouring in.

- More soon. xxxx


-

Peter and I have been up here at the House with Sally and Cyrano since Friday afternoon, and will come back again later in the week...we would stay and stay if we both did not hve comittments in the City that take us back later today....tonight we are going to see Sharon Salzberg and Sylvi Boorstein speak at the JCC on Amsterdam Avenue and 77th Street...that is something we are both looking forward to ....and I have a full week ahead...but can hardly wait to return here.

Paul is in a 10-day retreat at the Monastery in Wappinger's Falls...Steve is down South with one of his daughters (his oldest is working on reforestation at an ashram in India!)...so we have the house to ourselves and we have loved it. I have been working hard to refurbish Momma's Garden (the Sally Garden, all blue flowers , the color of Momma's eyes) and that has been a sort of meditation all of its own. I have loved every hot and sweaty moment of it. And it looks good. I re-painted the birdhouses a bright blue...they look spiffy...found some wonderful mid-season delphiniums, different sorts, to plant by the fence, where the sun lasts the longest...put in a little lavender and the last alysum I could find....found a bunch of beautiful bamboo, short and healthy , to put in the middle of the birdbath, and re-furbished the frog pond with fresh water from the garden hose....so many tadpoles! And the frogs who live there are obviously fat and happy....there is even a cheerful slender water snake....and lots of mosquitoes for all to eat right up....a thriving habitat.

Of course, the puppies are silly with the daily joy of running about like nutty dogs, and Peter even purchased some bright yellow tennis balls to drive Cyrano even more actively crazy.... lots of running going on! And stalking the unknown wild things in the bordering forest! Sally becomes unrecognizably bold and brave, as she stealths along the thickly-leaved floor of the woods, sniffing at every possible inch of life's spory tracks. Cyrano just looks the part of the brave crusading dachshund, whose mission it is to root out evil and bark it to death! He is my hero. His ears fly behind him as he skims along the lawn....irrepressible joy incarnate.

I have continued meditation and walking....the studio above the garage makes a perfect meditation room...quiet, calm, large, cool....my cushions and reading materials are there. And the road outside the property is the perfect walking course...just the right amount of hilly challenges...and we are eating healthily, which feels better al the way around.

My main study, (aside from mining SPOON RIVER ANTHOLOGY for monologues for my 46-10 Group meeting tomorrow) is Reginald Ray's THE VAJRA WORLD, about Vajrayana Buddhism, the tantric path...and I am enhralled...not to mention intellectually thrilled by his writing of this endlessly interesting human investigation. Can hardly put it down. And am grateful for all I am learning . The study of Tibetan Buddhism, since it encompasses so much about the history of the Buddhism that came before it, seems to me unfailingly interesting, and realler and realler, the more i meditate and get involved. By "realler" of course, I mean, "real" in the Buddhist sense: the peeling away of illusions that guide our norml everyday existence...something so basic and indestructible, that it makes unfailing sense to me. The thinker behind the thoughts....there is an arresting passage I'd like to quote:

"The Vajrayana operates by eliciting and provoking the projections of our own deepest natures,then forcing us back on ourselves so that we have to integrate and take possession of these projections.....What is sad is not to see this process of projection in Buddhism, where it can lead to something dignified and noble, but to see the way that it operates in the contemporary "Modern" world, where it so often leads to an utter dead end. Here, people project their deepest yearnings onto things that have little to do with the human spirit and its maturation - new cars, upscale houses, clothes,vacations, credentials, fme,wealth and power. It is not surprising, for example, that it is often among those who have succeeded most fully in realizing the materialism of the American Dream that one can find the most emptiness, fear and unacknowledged despair." Reginald Ray THE VAJRA WORLD P.176

We do spend an awful lot of time chasing the things that we think will make us happy, don't we? And we seem to live in constant fear or despair of not getting these things, or once getting them, realizing how little they actually mean. The true awakening to a life of "meaning"? Realizing there is actually no meaning at all. Which is actually amazingly liberating.

More soon on that delectable 46- 10 Group of humans...I will see them all tomorrow.
For now, back to the gardens!

So, last summer, this group at 46-10 Village sat around for two hours each Tuesday night, (we met at night because I had a full teaching load at NYU during the days), and in the semi-circle formed in room 301 (the home "activities room"), I got to know what these older people were made of....all they asked me to do was give their Drama Group some direction, suggest what to do, how to do it, do improv exercises, scenes, etc.etc. These marvelous 10 or so people didn't know exactly what they wanted to do, but they knew they wanted to do something, and here I was, on a salary suddenly, charged with the task of planning the group's journey...it felt, at that time, more like a burden than fun....especially since I had absolutely no idea who these people were, where they had come from in their lives, and , most of all, where they were in their physical lives: just how sick and old were these people?

I'd never worked with people in their "declining years" before, and the only experience I'd ever had with groups of old folks was in my Momma's home in Chicago, where I often volunteered to help serve meals and feed the more disabled ones of the community...I found that actually helping them made me feel less sad...BUT with the 46-10 group, this was not the case....this was a sharp, funny, talkative, clearly motivated group of seniors, and they had actually hired me to guide them, not take care of them! They wanted me to be their teacher! In fact, on the wall of the elevator, faithfully every week, was a printed sign that said: 7:00 in Room 301... COME TODRAMA CLASS WITH EVALYN BARON!!! , So there it was in black and white (or fuschia and green, really): I was the teacher of the acting class!! SO, how to best teach them things became my weekly focus! I was clearly not equipped for this, I thought...But they needed me, I'd said yes...and so...off we went...into:

Stacks and stacks of material I had printed up: scenes from Shakespeare, Neil Simon, Eugene O'Neill, two-handers they had all gotten from a library book, monologs from my files, Shakespearean pieces writ large (so they could see them to read them), appealing to their sense of the familiar...the famous speeches that everyone knew...they attacked everything I brought them with relish,,,and even though Marte would consistently forget her hearing aid (all the while complaining it was Shakespeare's fault not hers...Shakespeare was boring!) I just used her inability to hear as the definitive lesson in stage projection and taught them it was their job to all talk loud enough for Marte to hear them even if she did forget her hearing apparatus!!! It became their mission to do so!

And on we continued...even though Warren had to be consistently reminded to get down to 301 . He has no short term memory ,(a problem for this wonderful singer who used to be part of the Village Light Opera Company of Manhattan), and will promise at 6:45 in the elevator to be in Room 301 at 7:00 and then promptly forget about it)...and even though we had a romance bloom and fade during those months, making a couple of the actors behave like we all do when love affects us,...and even though Ruth Selman had to deal with the constant hospitalization of her darling husband Jerry, ...and despite the vacation absences of the amazing woman we call "Big Ruth" , (which is silly since she stands 5 feet or less but she is taller than Ruth Selman, so....) and the marvelous Harry, a delightful and articulate man who I consider the romantic lead of our troupe...despite lethargy, a fascinating energy graph that would baffle learned minds, and challenging personality proclivities, (Lucille, one of my favorites of all time, also with no memory but an insistently loud and steely voice and frayed-around -the-edges heart of gold), and with the terrific contributions of Joan , Peggy, and Martin, we soldiered on, and added full-length plays to our reading repertoire: A MIDSUMMER NIGHTS DREAM and BRIGHTON BEACH MEMOIRS....let me add here that Joan is an attractive woman of a certain age, whose daughter and son-on-law live nearby, and whose sharp mind, true talent for reading and sense of humor kept me going more often than not...Peggy is a gorgeous woman, filled with life and never without a beautiful presentation of face and fashion to light up everyone's day, though she herself is pretty much confined to a walker and a life of constant pain..Martin , a tall and slender man, handsome and craggy, began coming because of Joan and continued on with the group as he realized he actually loved it for himself...he would only let his ferocious anger show when he lost his place and lost understanding of what was going on...as soon as I realized that, I structured my approach so he never felt wrong and so that no one else ever felt that who they were or where they were in their lives was a handicap......in fact, these people taught me how to work with them by being their unavoidable true selves...I have learned more from them than I ever felt I could learn from anyone ever...

I had such fun telling them (and gratefully reminding myself) that even the most professional star on Broadway is filled with handicaps and personal quirks and shortcomings that limit their approach to the work...just ask the stars themselves! WE ALL START FROM WHERE WE ARE...it is our job (and art) to overcome it, use it to TELL THE STORY of the words in front of us..etc....they seemed heartened by these small insights into the real world of theater.
That what made their strivings comparable to the work of professionals is that it is Theater and we are all merely human. The desire to do it, the passion is exactly the same everywhere and on every stage in the world, in every stage of Life.

So, our little humble campfire had been built, was flickering with light and this time last summer, we had all begun to huddle around it willingly, familiarizing ourselves with its warming light. It drew us surely, into the Fall and Winter months. A theatre troupe was born.

Please , please let me find the words to adequately describe the experience I had yesterday, at the premier public performance of The Village Players at 4610 Village!

"The Village Players" is what my wonderful group of elderly actors finally decided to call themselves (after rejecting the self-humorous but finally not acceptable "Village Idiots"), and yesterday, at 2:00 PM, in the Dining Room that is now our official Village Players Theater, they gave a premier reading of sweet play for the delectation and delight of not only their fellow Home residents, but their family, outside-world friends, Staff, Caregivers, and Village Cares officials as well! It was an enormous crowd, considering we were expecting very few people to show up, and the entire Dining Room was filled, abuzz and excited! It felt like an actual audience (which it was), and as darling Ruth Selman put it: "It turned into Theater! A real live theater!Flowers and laughter! A miracle!" (or something to that effect) .The entire company (we can call ourselves a true "company" now, since we have been through this first test of fire...) the entire company felt like part of something important,and, if I can begin to do it justice, you'll see why they all felt that way. It is an afternoon I know I will never forget.

Somehow, in beginning to volunteer with this group, at the beseeching of that same adorable Ruth Selman (an old friend of Pat Yonka's from Montessori), I was doing a nice woman a favor, and in continuing to work with this self-styled drama group, and then finally being asked to allow them to pay me to do so, and now working with them for over a year, I know that I am learning as much from them as they are learning from me - as much about myself as they seem to be learning about themselves - a deep lesson, not only in patience and compassion, but in the sheer truth about human beings: we are all the same, wanting the same things, to be alive and communicative for as long as we can be , to fully experience life for as long as we can, to give to others from our hearts for as long as we can - and that no matter that the years pass- we are still the same excited and caring children we once were - that it's only our minds that tell us we are not -we think it is our bodies telling us "no" - but I have seen what people with failing bodies can do now, if they really want to -

I have walked into a year's worth of Village Players weekly meetings where most of the "actors" were tired, lethargic, uncaring (seemingly) and late - and have watched as the power of reading a writers words aloud, urging each other on, laughing at each others' lines, and simply breathing more ( in order to read aloud) woke people up and made them actually feel better than when they walked in - AND that has been only the beginning. Once they were reminded that they actually chose to be there (and they were reminded both by there own actions and my weekly "sermons"), these "senior adults" began to allow themselves to really be there and gave of themselves totally - these are minds that have been put to good use for 7, 8, 9 decades, then suddenly thrust into a dry, relatively empty landscape of both old age and an old age home....4610 Village is among the best of these sorts of places- a truly good home for those who choose to live there - a caring staff and administration - a clean and lovely place - But that does not make up for the mental switch that seems to be turned off once the elder ones move in to what they must know will be there last home......a certain decision is made, whether conscious or not, to let go and accept the ease of no longer trying....

As all know who read this blog: acting, theater and especially an acting company, cannot afford to stop trying!!!!! So, by virtue of the fact that they chose to create a drama club (not to dabble in seeing plays but to ACT THEM!) , and we have the intrepid Peggy Keating ,the strong and motivating Ruth Silverman, and the brilliant Ruth Selman to thank for that), these particular 10 or so people decided not to give up yet!!! Something made them want to be actors at this time in their lives - maybe once they wanted to be , maybe they wished they could be - but they have decided now TO BE, and little did they know that by asking me to coach them, they would not be allowed to get away with anything short of being the best actors they could possibly be right now. I treat them like professionals , and when faced with physical limitations, assess those problems the way I would any younger actors' limitations and cut just the appropriate amount of slack for those problems- no more, no less - and we move on....Insisting on punctuality (the elderly seem to lose track of time if they are allowed to do so, and a couple of the group actually have short-term memory problems), courtesy (older folks speak their minds freely) and mutual support of each other, no matter what frustrations may arise. I preached the idea of "company" early on and made them aware that actors stick together through thick and thin...meeting each Tuesday night, they became responsible for each other, had something to plan for and look forward to each week....and when we started rehearsals for the June 19th opening, they even began to call themselves together for extra rehearsals...how terrific! So, slowly (and at times it felt extremely slow) but surely, they formed a true company - and yesterday, at the "matinee" performance , that company shone brilliantly! They truly told the story of the play, and took very good care of themselves and the grateful audience. There was even a standing ovation (again from those who could stand) and it was heartfelt.

But more on that later....I find I have written and written, and not even hardly begun to tell all I want to tell...so more tomorrow...or later today...

I have been up here at the Upstate House since Friday night late....with Paul and Steve...Peter, understanding my need for time away from everything non-meditative , was dear enough to stay home with Sally and Cyrano and let me have this utterly valuable time up here without him....he knows that whenever our darling doggies are here, I can never truly relax because I am always wanting to take them out to run, and when they are outside, I worry (since we take the leashes off and let them run naked through the grass!) I worry one of them will drown in the pond or find his way through the deer fencing...(that little Cyrano has a nose for the right sized hole in the fence and finds it unerringly every time!)...so this past full few days have been just for me to wind down in and meditate and exercise and meditate some more...and it has been truly wonderful! Perfect weather....sunny skies....a quiet house....all I needed. Reminiscent of old times here, when it felt like home here.

Most importantly, I continued my resolute meditation program, and exercise work as well. We virtually turned the upstairs studio into a really nice meditation room, and with all the cushions up there, the light pouring in through all the windows, the quiet tone of the large space, it really as been great to be in.

I am reading Reginald Ray's incisive book on Vajrahana Buddhism - the Esoteric third turning of the Wheel of Dharma, the Tantric explorations of this amazing world of thought...THE VAJRA WORLD - and it is marvelous indeed. And will go to hear Sharon Salzburg at Tibet House again Tuesday night. Also, to hear Sylvia Boortsein and Sharon at The Manhattan JCC on the 25th -two brilliant Jewish women who have found a deep home in their Buddhist studies thoughout these past decades - articulate, compassionate and funny women. Can hardly wait.

These days up here at the House are unmatchable!

In this wonderful and healthful routine that Peter and i have been doing now for a couple of weeks - getting out of the apartment right early in the morning and taking a rigorous walk in Riverside Park for a good half-hour - we turn down Broadway to head home from the Park.
Part of the routine is to stop at Starbuck's for two reviving iced Americanos (they have already gotten quite used to us there, and seem to know our orders by heart)...and then we continue on down Broadway, next stopping only to buy our fresh fruit for breakfast.

Summer's bounty: fresh watermelon and sweet red raspberries (for a mere 5$ for four containers of enormous berries)! We have been gorging on the sweetest melons and berries, and, along with a slice or two of this amazing whole-grain bread we found delivered by Fresh Direct, we enjoy a leisurely time together at our dining room table before our days begin. I do believe watermelon is the perfect food: luscious tasting, filled with water and sweetness, lovely to gently crunch into, and deeply satisfying in the mouth. The fact that it has little or no nutritional value notwithstanding, I still think it is perfect. Filling too! I've loved watermelon ever since I was a kid, and i still do.

In Atlanta, when I was an elementary school tyke, there was a fruit stand on the way home from E. Rivers School, and in the summer, the man who owned it would open up a large open side-porch for the express purpose of selling, cutting and serving enormous slices of watermelon to his customers...at leat they seemed enormous to my young appetite...with vinyl covered tables, large enough for whole families, we eager eaters, we salacious sloshers of the watery fruit, could sprinkle salt on the red mouthy slices (from the shakers he placed on the table for that very purpose), and sit right down and eat them there...oh! The sticky, sweet mess...the feeling of summer....that sweet stickiness so easily washed off by the garden hose ...perfect mess and perfect clean and perfect abandon...nothing more sensuous. And the salt made the sweet so much sweeter....an early life lesson. In those days, the melons still had big black seeds, and we were told to carefully negotiate our way around them, so as not to swallow them: some implicit threat that if we did, watermelons would grow in our tummies like babies....so, boy oh boy, did we spit out those seeds! Sometimes spitting them...sometimes carefully extracting them through the mush...sometimes picking them out before putting the chunk of melon in our mouth....later even crunching them, since the discovery was that they actually tasted pretty good. I even heard tell of people who brewed tea out of them to heal kidney ailments!

But these days, we need bother with no such obstacles: the melons, more often than not, come having had their seeds bred out of them! Now what fun is that? Well, of course, it's great, since all you need to do now is crunch and slop, and slosh and crunch some more, letting the cool red mushy mess slide down before taking another huge mouthful! BUT: i do miss the look of those shine black ovals dotting the red landscape of the grinning slice....something wrong, really, with a seedless watermelon...too urbanized...too engineered...too darned easy! But, modern times demand streamlining, speed and ease, so bye-bye seeds!

Nevertheless: the bounty of this particular summer - this summer of NYC, Peter , the pups and me, together in a life that pleases...the bounty includes early morning walks, together breakfasts, and, yes, summer's bounty: watermelon and raspberries, a color-coded treat treat of Nature. Mmmmmm good.

Below is a letter I e-mailed to the Northwestern Alumni Magazine...an article i read made me write an actual "Letter To The Editor" and i never do that, but this time I did....and here it is...this meditation work I 'm doing is sensitizing me in surprising ways...is this good? Is this bad? Dunno...honestly...I do not know....

Editors - Your Summer 2007 issue, with PEACE WEAVERS on the cover, was an impressive, heartening collection of stories about people who are focusing their talents on trying to heal our selfish and not-well world. Both they and the attention you give them are to be commended. The world needs to know that higher education is producing people who are taking actions of responsibility and compassion.

Then I turned to page 31, and with a sinking heart read Ms.(Kristin)Huffman's diary excerpts. At first, because I am a member of the same profession, (and a diarist as well), I thought, "Oh goodie! An insider's P.O.V. - this'll be fun!!" But I was stalled after the 2nd one: the excerpt that tells of leaving the food stain on her host's furniture....the one where she not only made the stain worse (and then blaming the host for using colored napkins, how dare he!) but then, causing the real human stain of the evening, she leaves WITHOUT TELLING HER HOST OF THE MESS, and at the very least offering to pay for cleaning the upholstery!!

Even as I write this, I am wondering why I am bothered enough by this clearly anecdotal story to protest it. But I do know why and here it is: in a world that needs all the honesty and forthright taking of responsibility it can possibly get, what are we to learn from this perky actress' sneakiness and dishonesty? Why are we introduced to a NU-trained artist about whom I will never be able to think anything other than: "I must remember not to ever invite her to my home!".

Certainly,when I go to see her work in COMPANY , I will not be thinking of her character work, I will be thinking:"Oh, that's the one from Northwestern who spills food, leaves a mess and then hides it!" , a sad handicap for an actress who should be hoping to make a true difference in the world, which is what I was taught by such "lights" as Les Hindryckx, Bob Schneidemann, and others in my time there. In a Summer Issue about solving problems, Ms. Huffman's diary introduced us to a person who creates them, and her messes, like so many others in the world, become our own.

I guess that is why I was moved to write. Because it made me fear: whereas other departments and schools at NU seem to be producing problem-solvers, is the Theater Department to be thought of as a part of NU that produces the stereo-typically perceived selfish (and "successful") actor? The one for whom landing the job is more important than being honest? Gee, I hope not.

Truly, my profession needs artists with strength, integrity and a clear view of what makes walls come down between people, not what puts them up. Clearly, Ms. Huffman would rather remain blameless than spend a few bucks rectifying her faux pas. Oddly,
she doesn't mind letting us know that about herself.

With admiration for your magazine, I remain
Truly,
Evalyn Baron
Class of 1969, Theater Department


Remember how I mentioned in a recent blog that I was doing the Commit To Sit regimen outlined in the Spring issue of Tricycle Magazine? At least, I think I mentioned it...anyway...this simple four-week program, clearly explained and outlined in that magazine has proven to be a most wonderful thing to do...and obviously something it was finally my time to devote to doing, because whereas i have been sitting on the cushion for several years now, trying various forms of silent and chanting meditation, both with eyes opened and eyes shut, using objects (like the Gohonzon in Nichiren's regimen) and using breath alone, I have never found anything deeper than a certain calm, and, in the case of the Gohonzon, a certain sort of disciplined focus, with a valuable insight every now and then......but something else seems to be happening with this Insight Meditation regimen: a coming to new terms with my mind...a fresh acquaintance with my ego...a re-sensitizing of the places in me that feel hurt and outrage (see above letter)...and as I asked above also: Is this good? Is this bad? Well, for one thing it is re-acquainting me with the stories I tell myself...I have always been such a story teller...actors tell stories...we belive that the stories are real..but then again, most people do believe their stories are real...realler than other peoples' stories.....but the fact is, all stories are...well.... they are stories...they are not really what happened...but they are, rather , interpretations of what happened....and it is those interpretations that involve us on an emotional level....

...our daily workout! Peter and I have been doing these terrific morning walks,down along Riverside Park , going Uptown until we take a steep walk up a substantial little hill back to Broadway at around 116th Street, then walk back downtown, stop at a favorite Starbuck's for iced morning coffees, and continue on home, stopping to do errands when we need to....such a great way to start our day together....and as long as he is doing the highly remunerative consulting work he is doing for Inductis, in his home office, we can do this lovely morning walk together. Plus which, it's not only a time for getting our muscles warm and our breath going, but we get necessary talk done too, about what we need to do, together and separately, throughout the day. Useful time. And it feels so good.

All of a sudden, we are getting a nice unexpected visit from Peter's parents this weekend, and we are truly glad for it. We like these people who just happen to be Peter's parents, and too much time goes by in between visits. Especially since we seem to be unable to make it out to Michigan, thereby leaving the onus of the burden of visiting on them! They are dear and patient about it, but the truth is Peter and I need to get out to Michigan sometime this summer if we can....it's our turn! BUT meanwhile, since Pat and Chuck have been in the Boston area for the graduation from Harvard of a friend's child, they suddenly realized they were only two hours away from us, and decided to drive on down sometime tomorrow. They will start back to Michigan on Monday! So we are stocking up on Fresh Direct groceries to make sure we have provisions for the family time together! I do love these people. So it will be good, very good, to be with them.

Speaking of being with people I love: Paul, Steve and I spent the entire afternoon on Wednesday at the New York Botanical Gardens...June is Rose Month at the the NYBG, so we floated amidst a sumptuous display of roses, as far as our senses could smell....in this sweet special area, designed by a famed landscaper in 1916 or so, if you can think of a color (that is not in the green or blue family), then there were lush roses in full bloom representing that color...it was literally breath-taking, it was so very beautiful....vast dense stretches of sheer rose color.....oranges next to sheer yellows, next to whites, next to deep sharp pinks, next to romantic reds, next to tanslucent pink-whites, next to sherbet cream arpricots,next to deep goldens...I mean an array from what can only be thought of Rose Heaven...and the fragrances! Wow...the smells...probably my imagination, but I could swear the deep orange roses smelled like oranges! And the striped pinks like peppermints! It was a full-frontal sensory experience! And I say to all who read this, in the vicinity of that Garden: go see the roses~ you will be glad. A student of mine tells me that her Fordham campus across from the Gardens also has sumptuous roses, which is why they call that area the Rose Hill neighborhood of the Bronx! Now I know! And am glad for the first-hand experience.

So, today? The sun shines bright and hot....yet another brilliant student comes to call in the afternoon - (I am having the best time with this talented, funny bunch who are studying this summer) - I had a great audition for a Russian play yesterday....THE POWER OF DARKNESS to be done at the Mint Theater....it was just great to get such language from such a fun character into my mouth! Haven't done that in a while....and....I need to shower off the rigors of our morning walk...so, goodbye to all for now...more soon....

.....and you never know when they are coming or where they are hiding, right? If you can only relax enough not to speed through life, relax enough not to miss the journey, you can find blessings, true and useful blessings, everywhere around you, and this seems to be what is happening for me right now....and I am grateful for this time.

This 2nd Week of the Commit to Sit Meditation i am doing has me meditating a great deal on my body, and hand in hand with that, I have begun to watch carefully how and what I eat and what it all does to this body of mine....I've also begun to regularly walk and stretch, and I feel so good as a result of all of this that I feel it all like a sort of vacation from the old tired me, and a pleasure cruise into the new and future me....feels so good.

Reading up on how food actually fuels the body, I am learning that as long as I try to muscle my way through a diet, pit my ever-hungry self against the chemically motivated physical self, I will always lose...because chemistry is stronger than I am or more powerful than my will pwer could ever hope to be. But if I eat the right foods at the right times, use chemistry instead of abuse it, then my journey toward health and away from the french fries will be an easier one...for instance: eating steamed veggies (with olive oil and cinnamon and red pepper on them...a new trick i've recently read about) and a small baked potato fills me with so much fiber that late-night cravings totally disappear...this, coupled with my regular meditation practice, has made sleeping so much sweeter and more restful...and I have easily adhered to the rule: no chowing down starting at three hours before bedtime, so going to bed early helps too! And right now, I have the time to do just that. Shop for fresh foods, go to bed early, meditate regularly two times a day ,including one walking meditation...and exercise at my own pace! It is all adding up to a blessedly good time, one that I am truly enjoying, and plan to continue.

I would say, in many ways, on many levels , that this a cross-roads time for me, for Peter, and for us as a couple...a re-definition of my goals, his goals, our goals....a true looking at how we want our lives to be...and the sheer fact of our 25-year age difference makes this an interesting investigation for us both. His love and loyalty are blessings in themselves, and I treasure them deeply. Clearly, there are reasons, karmic and spiritual, that he and i were fated to be together, and this is one of those times we are looking at all that. Deeply interesting.

Go a sweet email from Greg McMillan , one of our old Abingdon pals, and it was so good to hear from him. Thanks Greg! Made me home-sick for the place....oh well....maybe we can get down there this summer to see OLIVER or something....that would be fun....I am doing that I MARRIED WYATT EARP musical reading in July (revisiting an old project that has some wonderful music by old school chum Michelle Brourman) and of course the teaching i am so enjoying in my private studio....but my mantra for the summer? "Grow, enjoy, learn and grow some more"....with plenty of healthy relaxation lacing the mix! Blessings indeed. I love meditating.

Hi All - News from a steamy and yet somehow still worth it New York City....Peter and I will spend this weekend in the comfort of our air-conditioned apartment, Peter finishing up work for the seemingly ever-present Inductis, me fulfilling my committment to myself to meditate solidly for several hours over these two days. At least two hours of silent meditation each day, part of it being walking meditation....then a bit of gym work...I feel this is a time for me to shape up , both physically and spiritually, and it feels good to have this time in which to enjoy these possibilities.

My current sudent-teaching set-up is so ideal : I get to teach who I want to teach , when I want to teach them...thus, my home has once again become my studio, and both student and teacher are quite comfortable in hsi arrangement. I have explored the possibility of renting a studion across Boradway at the Yoga Studio i go to...they have great space for very little money per hour and room for my Grad Class project, so if the group needs it, i will rent there, and still be within my "home" turf. Not to have go Mid- or Down-town in this heat is wonderful...and my home is so very comfortable. Close to the Meditation Room I am in so much these days.

Speaking of the Buddhism which continues to not only intrigue me but enrich my daily life, Petr and I went with our friend Ken Kliban to hear the Nepalese nuns from Nagi Gompa Abbey in their first US concert ...they were singing last night at the Rubin Museum down on 17th Street and we were part of their premier audience...it was an unusual and quietly stirring event: three diminuitive nuns from the Abbey, in maroon, red and gold traditional clothing, quietly sharing with us their chanting tradition, then, in the 2nd half of the program, dancing for us as well...it was meditation personified, every moment. Calming, thought provoking and fascinating in its repetitive stillness and precision....simple...beautiful...West was meeting East in a loving, curious hour or two of life. The Rubin has many programs that educate and enlighten in this way....I was very glad we went. I have been to several programs there in the past month and each time I go, I am glad. On Monday the 25th of this month, we three shall also go to hear Sharon Salzburg (who i saw last night and gave a loving hug to) and Sylvia Boorstein at the JCC on Amsterdam Avenue....two hours of talk about how to be compassioante and loving in an emergency world of today...I am looking forward to that...since I am a fan of both of these Western Buddhist (Jewish) women....maybe I will get to ask my question: why is that that so many modern American Jews are attracted to Buddhism? This is a curiosity to me, but a welcome one, since I am part of this phenomenon.

Paul and Steve are up at the House this weekend with Steve's dear parents, since they arrived in town for Steve's daughter's (Katie's) College Graduation on Friday....a proud thing, a wonderful event. So, Steve is hosting the family Upstate and (I am sure) cooking wonderful meals and creating some important memories. I'm glad Paul is part of this, which is consistent with all the wonderful things Steve has brought into his life...into our lives , really. He has such happy, creative and forward-looking energies, combined with a care-giving nature, generous and patient. Such a caring man.

Well, time to meditate....a calm and investigative two-hours in our Meditation Room, cool and quiet. Love to all.