Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Day/Night - Black/White
I cannot begin to describe the difference last night's Adult Acting Class made for me.
Opening LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, with its attendant pressures and micro-managed "crises", all drained me beyond limit, so that I came away from it thrilled that the audiences are enjoying it as much as they do, but also, as I said, thoroughly exhausted....tired of a process i cannot seem to enjoy lately, as much as I used to...discouraged, not by this art form's necessary collaboration, but by the way I have been experiencing it of late...so sad and tired...that i feared for the 1st Adult Acting Class of this Fall "semester", which met last night. I wondered where I would get the energy to teach it creatively and effectively.
Well, those 12 amazing people came into the New Hall, open and willing....lay down on the floor for the usual warm-up....and after two hours of talk, sharing of monologues and more discussion, this room of strangers left the New Hall as a company of actors, ready to work on Chekov for the first time in their lives, and excited about doing it! Such talent waiting to happen...such generosity towards themselves and others in the room....such emotional honesty with each other....such open-ness....it was transforming for me. I floated home after class, on clouds of gratitude and satisfaction. These marvelous people reminded me of the good things in this art form: sharing of stories, letting others in...the art and craft of acting as a powerful way to connect...and above all, the love of it....the sheer love of it. The cast of LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS has this love, this openness and this willingness...it's just the process surrounding their Opening that brought me down.
I entered the class room cloaked in the darkness of a night of the soul, and left the room two hours later clothed in sunshine, even though it was 9:00 at night....so glad to be teaching these people...although it's they who really taught me last night.
I am at some sort of crisis point in my relationship to directing. Perhaps it's the sheer volume of other projects and pressures that prevent me from relaxing into simply directing a show...maybe I am simply too too busy doing other things...too exhausted by them...to do the kind of directing job I am capable of doing, so that no matter how much the audiences enjoy the product, I see all I wish I had had time to do, all the things I missed along the way...one thing for sure: by the end of a tense tech week, even with a staff and crew that are working their best and doing all they possibly can to make it good, everyone is so tired and stressed, tempers fray and friendships strained...it is not pleasant for me anymore. And I need to understand how to dissolve that obstacle in myself. Because it is up to me: nothing else will change...it's all in how I allow myself to experience it. This is a test for me...not for others.
So last night's Adult Acting Class revived my flagging spirits in important ways. Gave me back my confidence and joy....reminded me of my particular power that had all but disappeared by the end of this last rehearsal process. So, I am grateful...very grateful for it and the people in it. Now, i need to figure out and understand what I am doing wrong in the directing process that leaves me open to such pain and doubt.....because it is my pain and my doubt...no one else's....and it's mine to solve.
Opening LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, with its attendant pressures and micro-managed "crises", all drained me beyond limit, so that I came away from it thrilled that the audiences are enjoying it as much as they do, but also, as I said, thoroughly exhausted....tired of a process i cannot seem to enjoy lately, as much as I used to...discouraged, not by this art form's necessary collaboration, but by the way I have been experiencing it of late...so sad and tired...that i feared for the 1st Adult Acting Class of this Fall "semester", which met last night. I wondered where I would get the energy to teach it creatively and effectively.
Well, those 12 amazing people came into the New Hall, open and willing....lay down on the floor for the usual warm-up....and after two hours of talk, sharing of monologues and more discussion, this room of strangers left the New Hall as a company of actors, ready to work on Chekov for the first time in their lives, and excited about doing it! Such talent waiting to happen...such generosity towards themselves and others in the room....such emotional honesty with each other....such open-ness....it was transforming for me. I floated home after class, on clouds of gratitude and satisfaction. These marvelous people reminded me of the good things in this art form: sharing of stories, letting others in...the art and craft of acting as a powerful way to connect...and above all, the love of it....the sheer love of it. The cast of LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS has this love, this openness and this willingness...it's just the process surrounding their Opening that brought me down.
I entered the class room cloaked in the darkness of a night of the soul, and left the room two hours later clothed in sunshine, even though it was 9:00 at night....so glad to be teaching these people...although it's they who really taught me last night.
I am at some sort of crisis point in my relationship to directing. Perhaps it's the sheer volume of other projects and pressures that prevent me from relaxing into simply directing a show...maybe I am simply too too busy doing other things...too exhausted by them...to do the kind of directing job I am capable of doing, so that no matter how much the audiences enjoy the product, I see all I wish I had had time to do, all the things I missed along the way...one thing for sure: by the end of a tense tech week, even with a staff and crew that are working their best and doing all they possibly can to make it good, everyone is so tired and stressed, tempers fray and friendships strained...it is not pleasant for me anymore. And I need to understand how to dissolve that obstacle in myself. Because it is up to me: nothing else will change...it's all in how I allow myself to experience it. This is a test for me...not for others.
So last night's Adult Acting Class revived my flagging spirits in important ways. Gave me back my confidence and joy....reminded me of my particular power that had all but disappeared by the end of this last rehearsal process. So, I am grateful...very grateful for it and the people in it. Now, i need to figure out and understand what I am doing wrong in the directing process that leaves me open to such pain and doubt.....because it is my pain and my doubt...no one else's....and it's mine to solve.
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