Chance = Change

This , to the left, is a photo of the gorgeous and impressive stupa built on the grounds of the KTC Monastery , near the Upstate House, in Wappingers Falls,NY...the reason I wanted to put it in the blog today is to remind myself of why I have taken these five days away from my City life....to meditate, contemplate (I have begun to understand the difference between the two) and let go of so much that has lately been driving me and my choices...so, naturally, as I struggle, the conflict is made even tougher by my thoughts about the students that need my help, (all of which I canceled to be up here for this time) and of course...of course...voice - over auditions that began pouring in the minute I made the decision to stay here all week...as one of my Access Talent agents Todd said (and we all know) "Isn't that how it always is?" They pour in when you are not available...and when you are available, it's a desert. And that is always frustrating...but this time 'round, it feels even more upsetting because I have been so conflicted about my place in this business of ours....and the very thing I came away to think about just kept knocking on my door and even though I know I want to be up here, facing my worst thoughts and meditating on my real relationship to them, the conflicts over the past few days have felt so sharp....should I hurriedly train back into the city and rush to all these things or not? Well, of course not...my determination to sit and write about it all is more important for my deeper self...and so I am here, and will stay.....time with Paul and Steve is very valuable, and Peter will come up from the City soon...he is in the midst of dealing with job offers and trying to sort out what he wants....so we are a busy, figuring-it-all household right now....the dogs of course are very happy.....they adore life up here in the country...we went for a long walk this morning,and the world is their personal private hunting preserve.....too bad i had them on leashes....otherwise I'd never see them again! At the sign of the first squirrel, OFF they'd run...my brave hunters....little furry critters..

So, poetry has begun to pour out of someplace in me again as I unwind and allow myself to get in touch with a deeper quieter place in me...most of it is pretty awful and I do mean awful, but at least it's coming...and ideas crowd the mind about stuff to write about....so, I will be patient and bide my time and somewhere along the way, I will know what to do next.

(Oh - before I forget - If Kerry is reading this entry: an answer to your question: (sorry I've not gotten back to you....too self-involved...I apologize): yes, by all means, even if you do get a job offer (and I hope you do), audition for all that is before you anyway because you need the experience of doing so and something wonderful may come of it...you never know...good luck and keep me posted!)

So - I am off to the cushion...the Upstairs Studio makes the most wonderful meditation place...then I think we shall drive over tot he KTC Monastery and see our mentors and perhaps meditate with them...we almost drove over to the monastery that Thich Nat Han has established on the other side of the Hudson, but they are closed while the monks are on retreat...
I look forward to visitng there soon.

More soon.