Chance = Change

And I want to acknowledge it out loud: this is a good time in life right now.....just enough work to keep me challenged and busy with students I admire, yet plenty of time to do the things I want to do and that are deeply good for me: walk and run every morning (we just finished the most beautiful walk down the road , midst the sweetly whispering trees and gurgling brook that laces through this part of the Upstate wetlands....Peter and I started out on our walk earlier than usual this morning, so the world had a fresher aspect, and somehow I felt worshipful of its newness.....reverent midst all the green beauty. The planet is so alive.....

Then there is this Buddgist path I' m studying...yesterday we joined Paul at the end of his 10-day Dharma Path retreat at the KTC Monatery (Kagyu Thubten Choling), and there was a large festive barbecue, wonderful foods, (I tried the Rimpoche's own TIbetan yams....odd, sweet, marvelous tiny tubers)...and I decided to formally enroll in the Dharma Path Program, substantially "upping" my hours of true meditation practise and substantially increasing my reading load...but I truly am ready for it. Again, this time is showing me what is important to me....

Speaking of which: my Adam Sandler film final callback taping/meeting could not have gone better...if I am what they want, I showed them the best of me, my humor, my character work, my subtlety, my intelligence...i could not have done better work in that room...so now, if it is meant to be , it will be...as I mentioned before, I thought it was a long-gone thing, and was surprised they were even still thinking of me...but, as someone wise once said to me: if the role is meant to be yours , it will be...otherwise, not...so I am glad in the knowledge that I did my best. This way I can let go and enjoy what else is going on in my life.....and if I book it, well, that will be a new adventure...I'd have to back out of the reading of the new I MARRIED WYATT EARP musical I promised I 'd do...and risk upsetting Graziela Danielle...but, I guess a movie role would be a legitimate "out".....

However, in light of the things I 'm learning this summer, spiritually, physically (this weight loss and fitness thing is continuing to feel terrific), even the darling Adam Sandler does not compare in importance...so, one thing I am strengthening this summer, is my sense of perspective: what truly does matter to the meaning of my on-going life?

The more I live, the more I see the personal obstacles that have been part of me all my life, and, like everyone else, I have let these obstacles stand between me and truly understanding others and the resulting compassion that could be mine if I woke up to it all...so: compassion...I guess you could say that is one of my goals this summer: understanding and developing true compassion for others....as i see it, how can there be peace on this planet - stopping people killing each other for no apparent reasons - if I can't even bring a little equanimity and peace into my own heart. So, that's the goal.

Yeah, sure...i've done my share of helping others...i've felt the pain of these "others" and given money to help alleviate it...and i have even cried for the condition of the world...but now I feel it 's time for me to do something in a truer way, and working on my selfish, ego-istic self is the way that seems to be coming up this summer....at the bottom of it all, we are in this world together, and hate just does not seem wise...nor does anger...nor does ignorance and pain and starving...so...why do so many smart people allow these things to persist? The only way I see to answer such insolubles is to go inward...examine my personal perspectives....survey and chart my Self...discover its true nature...dissolve boundaries.

Anyway: onward! More soon.