Chance = Change

...cool and perfect.....Peter and I are recovering from a food and drink evening here at home last night, with my darling niece and her Alison...we had cocktails at 7:00 (a yummy pitcher full of Moscow Mules!) with warmed brie and pears, delectable fresh little sausages Alison brought us from her favorite NJ butcher....yummy! Then Peter made the most wonderful marinated steaks...and we chowed down for hours, it felt like...so, since we are so unused to eating lots of red meat, we are feeling it a bit today...also, we topped the evening off with the most delectable chocolate fondue and fruit ....and a board game or two around the table....very late into the night...great great fun...and to day we are in recovery!

I have a small work session with a terrific student at 6:00 in preparation for an upcoming audition, but otherwise, I have been cleaning up after the party, reading Buddhist psychology and doing the NY TIMES crossword puzzle....it is a sparkling day and when we (finally) woke up today, Peter and I both walked the doggies around the neighborhood....we drank in the air like it was the fresh water we needed to cleanse our sated bodies...

Honetly, I do wonder what the future brings. Both Peter and I are up for anything, really, aggreeing only that we are both rather weary of this crowded and filthy and noisy City. Neither of us are that in need of what the City has to offer that we are undyingly committed to living here much longer. We returned from Barter Thetare several years ago to checkout whether this was a true feeling or not...we agreed we needed to further investigate how we felt about living away from NYC...but, I think we have finally understood it is not where we are, but that we are together and that we do things with our life and time that mean something to us. To work just to work....no matter what the work...to work because it is what we are supposed to do (ie: in a Broadway show) we now realize is ot what matters to us...what matters is that we have meaning...that we create meaning...that we serve others meaningfully. We have been discussing this a lot today, as Peter prepares for his visit down to Barter to talk with Rick adn others about how he might beable to serve there, without being a fulltime actor. He does not want to be onstage all the time....he wants time to do other things with his time and energies...write music,etc. Enjoy the mountains and surroudning countryside, like we never did have time for before. I appreciate that he is attempting to specifiy and ask for what he wants. Life is too precious to waste on things other.

If by some chance we do return to Barter...well...I'm not sure how I could contain all the joy i would feel. Also, I am curious how, if we do return, how Rick would utilze my energies. He has a wonderful company he is very happy with, set up in ways that are very effective and pleasing to him. Why would I want to upset that in any way? I have always treasured Rick's ability to be loyal and maintain solid working relationships with people he cares for. Just because we decide we want to go back there does not mean I want him to upset his company's balance for our sake. Both Peter and i want to genuinely be of use and serve the Barter Theatre...otherwise why would we want to go back there? So, Peter's visit should tell us a lot. He will have lots of meetings while he is down there. Lots of talks about how he could help on the administrative end. Should be an interesting visit for him. I will miss going with him. But this is his time. Everyone knows I am there in spirit anyway. Part of me has never left there.