Chance = Change

Was Alec Baldwin behaving like a "grown up" when he lambasted his 11-year-old child on a voice mail that has now become all too public?...the voice message in which he called her a "selfish little pig" and in threatening tones warned her to get ready for his forthcoming visit...where do little girls run to hide from their terrifying Dads? To a Nunnery? Do we still have Nunneries for potential Ophelias to run away to? And, even if the kid was behaving selfishly and sassily and ignoring her Father's phone calls, did Papa Alec , as the "grown - up" have the right to behave as he did? Or was his only sin the sad fact that someone leaked the tape to some sleazy on-line media site and he got caught in a fatherly rage?

What does being a "grown-up" entail, and when does discipline or telling the whole truth run over into inappropriate-ness and abuse?

I am pondering this question today for several reasons.

In Buddhism, we're often asked to examine our motives for the actions we take, suggesting thereby that it's not the action per se, but rather our reason for taking the action that informs its right or wrong-ness...all to do with the concept of karma and suggesting of course that in itself no act, however violent, has within it a badness....it is simply an act taken, and we ascribe the judgement to it ... there is a nobility in this concept because it puts the response-ability onto the person taking the action, purely and simply: it asks us to examine why we do what we do and to consider the consequences. And then to repsond appropropriately.

Is anger ever truly righteous? Of course, since we all feel it, and the feeling of anger is so enlivening...true connected boiling anger...there does seem legitimacy to it...a "yes-ness", "let me feel this...I am right! -ness" to feeling it. It is a powerful energy and is responsible for most of the great and horrible actions of mankind: anger.

Usually, if you scratch the surface of anger you will find fear and deep sadness. And those are, by comparison, weak and floaty feelings...not as focused or filled with impulsive energies...so we would rather feel anger. There feels like there is more power in it. Feeling sad or fearful makes us feel like victims. Putting aside the fact that we are all victims of the inevibility of Death, we spend most of our time believing we can find a way to live forever and feeling the power of anger is one way we do that. So, Alec ran off at the mouth and let his child know how he truly and really felt. How he allowed her to make him feel. What did she expect him to do ? Sit in a corner and cry? Weakly acquiesce to her childishness and permit it? Simply repeat acts of patience and understanding that have clearly not worked in the past? How much rope is too much rope? I HAVE NO ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS...I AM ONLY ASKING THEM.

As I am asking myself what to do about a certain situation in my life that is engendering anger and sadness in me. Peter has been most wonderfully helpful, as has Paul D. and James C., but the dilemma presented to me (more on it later), is mine and mine alone to solve...mine alone to learn from. I am being asked to step up and respond in a way that is "right" and I am not sure what that is, so of course it is on my mind. I know that I don't want to hide away from what is required of me...i just don't know yet what to do. Along with the feelings already associated with certain events, and my having to feel them because there is no way I cannot, there is now this absorbing dilemma of how to deal with it!!!

Suffice it to say: it is not a dull time. I just wish I knew what to do. But soon, one day soon, clarity WILL happen! Even if I have to spend all weekend on the meditation cushion to find that clarity! Gosh: I do hope clarity is the point here....clarity about what it means to do the "grown-up" thing.