Chance = Change

I've never had a child...never even been pregnant...not even once....and, considering how free-loving I was in my youth, this fact is either a minor miracle, or a karmic destiny: I was never meant to be a Mother.....so the only perspective I have on the subject of "Birth" is that , over 5 decades ago, I came out of my Momma's womb as the result of one: my birth. My birth into this lifetime. My short span of time, allotted solely to me, for whatever purposes i was fated for, and Momma, carried me to this specific destiny. Thank you, Momma.

So far, it has been a very interesting cavalcade of years, and, as birthdays go, this one is probably my happiest ever... as human history often shows us, that is an amazing thing to be able to say: that this present moment in time is my happiest ever. For that fact alone, I offer my gratitude and conscious acknowledgement: thank you, to Whoever...Whatever...thank you.

I dedicate this one to my Momma, because I know of no one else to whom my singular happiness mattered more: my Momma wanted my happiness above all else....and she shared in every juicy moment, for as long as she could. Once, when we were calmly discussing the Great Inevitable, when I first began to understand that it was important to talk about Death with the person who gave me Life, I asked her how she felt about it, whenever it may come for her. And her reply was: "The only thing I'll miss, when I go, is not being able to know what is coming next for you! Not being able to share in it with you. I will miss knowing you, my daughter." She made it clear that I made her life interesting, more fun to live. She really wanted my life to be good. And full. And fine.

Well, Momma, if you're watching or listening: it is. And has been. The only thing missing is you. I think I could be a better friend to you now. A better daughter. I know more. Have grown in ways you always had faith I would grow in, and it would be so much fun to share this part with you. I miss you. Richard and I have grown closer. We talk like adults, and even make each other laugh on a regular basis, in one way or another. Your grand-daughter Rachel is a terrific woman, and I see her regularly as well, thanks to the family we all have created here in NYC...she still calls Paul "Uncle Paul" and Peter and she are good pals...I like her so much. A strong creative woman, making her way. So much joy to share with you. And for my Birthday today, that is what I want to do: let you know it is turning out well, and that I see purpose and meaning in living a life, as you always taught me.

This blog entry today is my prayer of thanks and love to you. To the one and only you: my Momma.