Wednesday, March 21, 2007
HOME! YAY!!! HOME!!!
And, so it went: our 10:11 pm flight #94 left San Francisco International pretty much on time, a terribly uncomfortable flight for me, but we did arrive home at the scheduled time yesterday morning, even 10 minutes early! I despise flying. Hate it, fear it, am sickened by it, and will never fly again unless I absolutely have to do so....I have said this again and again, and each time I do mean it...I do. I hate flying. Even IF God had given me wings, I am not sure I would use them...I am an earthbound girl, and proud of it. Give me land, lots of land, and make it so I never have to take my feet off of it and go 35,000 feet in the air again...pleeeeeze.
But, no doubt, I probably will have to, nonetheless....again some day.
For now: TERRA FIRMA....very FIRMA!
It also felt truly awful to have no ability at all to get myself home when I wanted to get home...to be totally at the mercy of the weather, the airlines, the multi-thousands of people who were also pushing and shoving to get home...I hated feeling that uselessly powerless....it made me ill and actually queasy to feel so powerless...colored so much of what I was experiencing that last day in that beautiful San Francisco...I was soooo unable to be in the moment...I kept worrying about our flight, and whether or not I would ever make it home to Peter's arms...
All my equanimity, my hard-won meditative wisdom, my deeper knowledge disappeared as I experienced fear and the loathing of powerlessness. Fine grown up woman I am!
But for now, I am home and I am safe. In fact, I am even downtown at NYU and having taught a class this morning that felt so good to be back in (I had to miss Monday's class), I am at Bobst Library and have a late afternoon of ROMEO AND JULIET coachings to attend to. I look forward to that. And may even stay for the rehearsal itself, or at least part of it. So glad to be back where I am doing something useful.
Another thing: too long a vacation made me feel displaced and not as useful as I like to feel. I guess one of the guiding tenets of my life is : serve others, be of use and help them grow. Is that an escape? Is being useful simply keeping busy for keeping busy's sake? I hope not.
But even if it is, what is so bad about that? Well, one wants one's busy-ness to make some sort of difference, right?
Wow! I sound like a woman who has too much sun and fun on the beach. I certainly look it: I am so tanned.....and I do love that. Feels healthy. But all tbe NYU'ers around me look so ready for Spring to come! Students everywhere: UNITE and SLEEP!
Peter's warm arms were swell to come home to, and the puppies' soft furry bodies made me feel so good...also, their interminable licks all over my face and neck...they seemed real glad to see me...all three of them,and God knows I was thrilled to crawl in next to my warm sleeping husband yesterday morning. What a safe harbor his beautiful arms are....SO GLAD TO BE HOME.
Having been in peaceful places lately, I see the struggle going on around me so much more clearly than usual.
BUT OH SO GLAD TO BE HOME.
Thank you Paul and Steve for a wonderful time out West.
I love you.
But, no doubt, I probably will have to, nonetheless....again some day.
For now: TERRA FIRMA....very FIRMA!
It also felt truly awful to have no ability at all to get myself home when I wanted to get home...to be totally at the mercy of the weather, the airlines, the multi-thousands of people who were also pushing and shoving to get home...I hated feeling that uselessly powerless....it made me ill and actually queasy to feel so powerless...colored so much of what I was experiencing that last day in that beautiful San Francisco...I was soooo unable to be in the moment...I kept worrying about our flight, and whether or not I would ever make it home to Peter's arms...
All my equanimity, my hard-won meditative wisdom, my deeper knowledge disappeared as I experienced fear and the loathing of powerlessness. Fine grown up woman I am!
But for now, I am home and I am safe. In fact, I am even downtown at NYU and having taught a class this morning that felt so good to be back in (I had to miss Monday's class), I am at Bobst Library and have a late afternoon of ROMEO AND JULIET coachings to attend to. I look forward to that. And may even stay for the rehearsal itself, or at least part of it. So glad to be back where I am doing something useful.
Another thing: too long a vacation made me feel displaced and not as useful as I like to feel. I guess one of the guiding tenets of my life is : serve others, be of use and help them grow. Is that an escape? Is being useful simply keeping busy for keeping busy's sake? I hope not.
But even if it is, what is so bad about that? Well, one wants one's busy-ness to make some sort of difference, right?
Wow! I sound like a woman who has too much sun and fun on the beach. I certainly look it: I am so tanned.....and I do love that. Feels healthy. But all tbe NYU'ers around me look so ready for Spring to come! Students everywhere: UNITE and SLEEP!
Peter's warm arms were swell to come home to, and the puppies' soft furry bodies made me feel so good...also, their interminable licks all over my face and neck...they seemed real glad to see me...all three of them,and God knows I was thrilled to crawl in next to my warm sleeping husband yesterday morning. What a safe harbor his beautiful arms are....SO GLAD TO BE HOME.
Having been in peaceful places lately, I see the struggle going on around me so much more clearly than usual.
BUT OH SO GLAD TO BE HOME.
Thank you Paul and Steve for a wonderful time out West.
I love you.
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