Monday, July 03, 2006
And so...onward...fearlessly!
Well, thank you Chase....your comment inspired me ...and so does your search of things Asian and Eastern, as a result of your weeklong stay in our Meditation Room.You never fail to amaze me, Chase. Keep reading and studying, there is so much to learn. So much to understand and be blown away by! Your journey is one that I will gladly make mine as well, so...onward for us both.
Which brings me to this:
I have never wanted to have a child of my own. When Paul D. and I would talk about it in our marriage, and when we finally went away to Italy to make one (Lake Como , as I recall, at just the right time in my cycle), we ended up fighting for the entire week we were there, and in fact barely talking to each other . I remember lots of gorgeous yet solitary walks around that Lake. To this day , Paul says: "If Evalyn and I had had kids, I would be in prison , she would be in an insane asylum, and the kids would have gone to foster homes!"
It's true: we neither of us wanted children of our own, and to this day are glad our instincts led us correctly.
But nothing deepens and shapes my life like helping young ones to learn and see what they had not seen before: watching the metaphorical lightbulbs go off above their heads thrills me. I feel it is something i am called to do: turn on those switches. So when i read of Chase's new interests, and how something in my life inspired them, I feel good.
Which brings me to topic of the day: FEAR.
Somehow, the world as we know it is set up so that we are born , live, and, if we are not careful, die with fear as a constant companion. A new baby is reluctant to come out of the womb, to enter the glare of new life, because it fears leaving what it has comfortably known for 9 months....we all fear that our days will be filled with all the things we do not want, rather than the things we do want...we fear noise, traffic, all those other folks around us...we put a good face on it , and we strive to not show it , but we do fear...and then, there is that thing about death: the great unknown. We live in dread of dying. I believe it is that fear that sets the world up in the form we know and live.
Fear is what makes war inevitable. Fear makes us feel "right" when we defend what makes us feel "safe". Fear, is of course, an illusion.
But it feels very real to most of us, most of the time.
And actors, those of us who have chosen to make our lives in the theater, get to increase the sheer number of fearful encounters every day. Each step an actor takes to put himself out into the world is a chance to be with fear. Each audition: soaked and edged in fear. Each Opening Night: fearful of what those critics will say. Each new agent meeting: fear: will they like me enough to help me? Each new encounter with a rehearsal process: am I good enough to be doing this?
Actors must learn to joyfully dance with their fears early on, or a career will never happen.To proceed as an actor in life is an exercise in fearlessness. Or rather: an exercise in how to make friends with that thing that could otherwise defeat us: we must learn to use it or else it will use us....unless we journey deeply into the process of knowing that energy we label fear, we will not be fully able to give all we have to give. Fear laughs at us: so we must learn to laugh right back in its face. Fear has a sense of humor. We must never forget that. Fear is a comedian. It invites us to get the joke.
Which brings me to this:
I have never wanted to have a child of my own. When Paul D. and I would talk about it in our marriage, and when we finally went away to Italy to make one (Lake Como , as I recall, at just the right time in my cycle), we ended up fighting for the entire week we were there, and in fact barely talking to each other . I remember lots of gorgeous yet solitary walks around that Lake. To this day , Paul says: "If Evalyn and I had had kids, I would be in prison , she would be in an insane asylum, and the kids would have gone to foster homes!"
It's true: we neither of us wanted children of our own, and to this day are glad our instincts led us correctly.
But nothing deepens and shapes my life like helping young ones to learn and see what they had not seen before: watching the metaphorical lightbulbs go off above their heads thrills me. I feel it is something i am called to do: turn on those switches. So when i read of Chase's new interests, and how something in my life inspired them, I feel good.
Which brings me to topic of the day: FEAR.
Somehow, the world as we know it is set up so that we are born , live, and, if we are not careful, die with fear as a constant companion. A new baby is reluctant to come out of the womb, to enter the glare of new life, because it fears leaving what it has comfortably known for 9 months....we all fear that our days will be filled with all the things we do not want, rather than the things we do want...we fear noise, traffic, all those other folks around us...we put a good face on it , and we strive to not show it , but we do fear...and then, there is that thing about death: the great unknown. We live in dread of dying. I believe it is that fear that sets the world up in the form we know and live.
Fear is what makes war inevitable. Fear makes us feel "right" when we defend what makes us feel "safe". Fear, is of course, an illusion.
But it feels very real to most of us, most of the time.
And actors, those of us who have chosen to make our lives in the theater, get to increase the sheer number of fearful encounters every day. Each step an actor takes to put himself out into the world is a chance to be with fear. Each audition: soaked and edged in fear. Each Opening Night: fearful of what those critics will say. Each new agent meeting: fear: will they like me enough to help me? Each new encounter with a rehearsal process: am I good enough to be doing this?
Actors must learn to joyfully dance with their fears early on, or a career will never happen.To proceed as an actor in life is an exercise in fearlessness. Or rather: an exercise in how to make friends with that thing that could otherwise defeat us: we must learn to use it or else it will use us....unless we journey deeply into the process of knowing that energy we label fear, we will not be fully able to give all we have to give. Fear laughs at us: so we must learn to laugh right back in its face. Fear has a sense of humor. We must never forget that. Fear is a comedian. It invites us to get the joke.
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