Chance = Change

....over 50 years,that is to say, I WAS BORN, in Atlanta, Georgia, at Crawford Long Hospital ....to Sarah Lee and Paul Hirsch Baron....a bundle of dark hair and double chins...big brown eyes and loud, resonant lungs....some things have not changed! Yes tomorrow is my birthday....and i have just come home from a good preview performance of A FINE AND PRIVATE PLACE....it was a good performance. Chuck Abbott and his guy John-Charles were there, and it was lovely to see them both. These previews and performances will be filled with all sorts of old pals from the business of show....and I think our show is in as good a shape as it can be in, and we all do well in it, so we feel proud of it. There is no question that "Gertrude Klapper" is one of the finest roles for a woman my age around...there are few that are this full and real and resonant and funny and strong, with such good songs. I feel so fortunate to be able to perform her. It's rather a perfect birthday gift to myself to be able to do so! Audiences find her endearing, I think. I look forward to each performance.

Which is not something I will be able to say about MARY POPPINS, I think. That day of callback was perfectly respectable, but though they laughed at my work, and were really charming to me and warm, I left the theatre feeling like my time with them and with the show was definitely done with. Actors know these things. And though my agent has not received any official rejection yet, I will not be surprised when he does. And the truth is this: by the time I had prepped and done the audition, I felt as if I had already done the show. The role they were seeing me for is not much larger than the audition scenes I was given and so, in a sense, I felt like I had already done the show! And I began to understand that if I was offered the role, the job, I would not be all that excited about actually doing it! It is a hard thing to do, a Broadway contract, and if the role and the show itself is not deeply satisfying, like Les Miserables was in all ways, then it is a hard thing to be happy doing for too long. I asked myself if this was not simply self-justification for a possible rejection, and I answered myself: no.....I really had begun to lose interest in actually performing MARY POPPINS for any length of time. Yes, good money, but not that good, I would bet, and not as interesting as many other options open to me in the months to come. So.....though i doubt that I will be getting any sort of offer, I wonder what i would do with it if I did.

So to all my darling friends who wanted me to land that job, please forgive...but there are better things ahead, I promise. Personally to Anne J. in ABingdon: I wish you could come see A FINE AND PRIVATE PLACE...and you have until May 21st to do so...you would love it, for sure.

Today, I got a manicure and pedicure to begin to celebrate my birthday and i don't remember when such a thing felt so good! And tomorrow, because we do not have rehearsal until late in the day, I plan to pamper myself even more: i will spend serious time at the gym and do a long steam and sauna! After a good workout! I can hardly wait! I have had absolutely no time to spend there at all, and I am tired of having no time to live....the time consumption on this show has been inordinate. It has worn on all of us. SO we are all glad we do not have rehearsal tomorrow. At least until later in the day.

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I AM OLD...but happily so, and wiser than i was...and would not want to be one second of time younger! I have worked hard and therefore earned exactly where I am in both my actual life and my spiritual life. And, as I read more of Robert Thurmond's work on Tibetan Buddhism, the more i understand my actual life IS my spiritual life! If there is anything I am truly grateful for at this birthday time in my life, it's my deepening understanding of spiritual things, of the riches that Buddhism has to offer, of the dear loves I have in my life (the astonishing Peter, and the faithful Paul), and of my richer and richer acceptance of things as they are. There is no place like here, no time like NOW. To be able to know this is a true blessing, and I want to share it with all of you.

So....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL OF US! AND THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT OF YOU...ALL OF YOU!